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Replies to '11/22 "Yours, Mine & Ours"'
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November 22, 2005, 10:04 am PST
 Quote From: iktomiweb My Daughter is expecting a baby at the end of Jan and I am trying to fit in with her plans I recently told her that I may be able to come and visit her for the holidays and I wanted to know if it would be inconvenient for them if I did come. She sent me an e-mail explaining to me that she had talked things over with her husband and they have decided that it would be great for me to come for Christmas and that I could just stay until the baby is born since I at this time do not have a job and she needs the help. I am recently married just had my first year anniversary and my husband has just gotten a new job and we have just moved and are getting settled in the new area as well as I am planning on looking for work as soon as possible. I informed my daughter that this idea was not going to work out for me or my husband and that I am currently looking for work and that it would be to long for me to be away from home. She sent me a very nasty e-mail back telling me that she is more important than my husband and that I am neglecting her. I pointed out to her that her husband should be the most important one at this time. This has made her even more angry towards me to the point she will not talk to me and has started to send emails to my mother that I am emotionally unstable and in need of help because of my bad past. I am now angry at her and do not want to communicate with her at this point because I believe that I should also be allowed to enjoy and have my life with my new husband the way that I want too and that all I want from her is that we can be happy for each other. I am so angry and sad and mad and hurt all at the same time. I quilted her a baby blanket and her response was “we are actually amazed that you did anything” So this is very difficult for me to hear. Then I start thinking about her in-laws who have quite a lot of money and do every thing for the kids that they ask for. I believe that I am in competition with her in-laws. And it is just unrealistic for me to compete with them nor do I feel I should. Your daughter sounds like she is well cared for so you shouldn't have to worry about that. Probably if she was on her own about to have a baby or life wasn't going well - your decision may have been somewhat different. But at what point in our lives is it okay for us to make decisions without feeling the weight of our children. Good for you that you found someone to share your life with, good for you that you have someone that cares about you and that being away from for too long is an issue...good for you. Sad, but some people have to actually live through situations to have an understanding towards others. I would never wish upon anyone to be a single parent or be alone but sometimes people have to actually live it to understand it and realize the difference of having or not having. You live life for you now. Take care of you. Continue loving your daughter and letting her know you do. Her thoughts will mature as she does. |
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November 22, 2005, 12:44 pm PST
Quote From: iktomiweb My Daughter is expecting a baby at the end of Jan and I am trying to fit in with her plans I recently told her that I may be able to come and visit her for the holidays and I wanted to know if it would be inconvenient for them if I did come. She sent me an e-mail explaining to me that she had talked things over with her husband and they have decided that it would be great for me to come for Christmas and that I could just stay until the baby is born since I at this time do not have a job and she needs the help. I am recently married just had my first year anniversary and my husband has just gotten a new job and we have just moved and are getting settled in the new area as well as I am planning on looking for work as soon as possible. I informed my daughter that this idea was not going to work out for me or my husband and that I am currently looking for work and that it would be to long for me to be away from home. She sent me a very nasty e-mail back telling me that she is more important than my husband and that I am neglecting her. I pointed out to her that her husband should be the most important one at this time. This has made her even more angry towards me to the point she will not talk to me and has started to send emails to my mother that I am emotionally unstable and in need of help because of my bad past. I am now angry at her and do not want to communicate with her at this point because I believe that I should also be allowed to enjoy and have my life with my new husband the way that I want too and that all I want from her is that we can be happy for each other. I am so angry and sad and mad and hurt all at the same time. I quilted her a baby blanket and her response was “we are actually amazed that you did anything” So this is very difficult for me to hear. Then I start thinking about her in-laws who have quite a lot of money and do every thing for the kids that they ask for. I believe that I am in competition with her in-laws. And it is just unrealistic for me to compete with them nor do I feel I should. I am also expecting my first child and my Mom is a semi newlywed (2 years) She is going to come stay with me after the baby comes but if she couldn't I would understand. I am a 35 year old woman I am not her child anymore, I don't need or expect her to cater to me. When I was a little girl my brother, sister and I were the light of her life and I am thrilled that she has someone in her life to pamper her and take her on trips, and hang out with her. I know that your daughter has hurt your feelings really bad, feel free to tell her Misty from Georgia says "grow up"! if she still needs her Mom to babysit her she isn't old enough to have a child of her own yet. |
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November 22, 2005, 1:11 pm PST
Quote From: iktomiweb My Daughter is expecting a baby at the end of Jan and I am trying to fit in with her plans I recently told her that I may be able to come and visit her for the holidays and I wanted to know if it would be inconvenient for them if I did come. She sent me an e-mail explaining to me that she had talked things over with her husband and they have decided that it would be great for me to come for Christmas and that I could just stay until the baby is born since I at this time do not have a job and she needs the help. I am recently married just had my first year anniversary and my husband has just gotten a new job and we have just moved and are getting settled in the new area as well as I am planning on looking for work as soon as possible. I informed my daughter that this idea was not going to work out for me or my husband and that I am currently looking for work and that it would be to long for me to be away from home. She sent me a very nasty e-mail back telling me that she is more important than my husband and that I am neglecting her. I pointed out to her that her husband should be the most important one at this time. This has made her even more angry towards me to the point she will not talk to me and has started to send emails to my mother that I am emotionally unstable and in need of help because of my bad past. I am now angry at her and do not want to communicate with her at this point because I believe that I should also be allowed to enjoy and have my life with my new husband the way that I want too and that all I want from her is that we can be happy for each other. I am so angry and sad and mad and hurt all at the same time. I quilted her a baby blanket and her response was “we are actually amazed that you did anything” So this is very difficult for me to hear. Then I start thinking about her in-laws who have quite a lot of money and do every thing for the kids that they ask for. I believe that I am in competition with her in-laws. And it is just unrealistic for me to compete with them nor do I feel I should. Pregnancy makes you kind of wacky and she is probably very disappointed that her mom won't be with her for the birth of her baby. Clearly it was pretty important to her and she was counting on your help.
I doubt you are in competition with your in laws. It takes two to compete.
The fact that you are far apart while she is going through having a baby I'm sure is hard for both of you.
I can't imagine having a baby without my mom. I don't think that a reasonable response to try to make her feel better by telling her that her husband is important. He probably is but it is clear that so are you. She is an angry pregnant woman and I think you can expect her to be less then reasonable for a while.
The best way to mend fences is to fully hear her out and acknowledge her concerns. But being she is pregnant I would expect this to be a bit of a roller coaster for a while. I remember blowing things way out of line when I was dealing with all those hormones.
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