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November 22, 2005, 12:17 pm PST
11/22 "Yours, Mine & Ours”
Quote From: shrimpetyWhen the issues of blended families comes up it always frustrates me that all of the adults involved don't ever stop to consider that the kids never asked to have a step-parent, a new mom, a new dad, new siblings. The adults are the ones that made the decisions and should have thought things through BEFORE putting their kids in such a situation.
Expecting a six year old to not act out is ridiculous - she does "know what she is doing" - all she knows is that she has needs that are not being met. If her Bio mother has left her, she has abandonment issues - even if you think you are the only mother she has ever known. It is your job to help her understand her feelings, to expess her emotions and to deal with the loss of her mother. It is your job to find a way to make the relationship work - not hers! Your needs are secondary and need to be met by your husband, not the kids.
I had a step - parent and can truly say that even at 13 I didn't have the tools I needed to deal with the situation. I can't imagine being a step-child at 6...
As I had mentioned prior, "we both love her and her needs are being met". If it wasnt for me she would have no mother at all, she loves us both very much she tells us everyday, other then the small isues of jealousy she is a well adjusted child. So please don't judge my family and worry about her having "tools" to deal with being a step child b/c she doesn't even know she is one. We had her seen professionally she has no remeberece of her bio.mother.
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