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Replies to '11/22 "Yours, Mine & Ours"'
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November 22, 2005, 2:55 pm PST
 Quote From: wadpod73 I am writing because this topic hits home. My mom lost her husband, my dad, over 5 years ago. She remarried a couple years after his loss to a GREAT father of two. He was divorced for several years prior to their marriage. At this point, his children are both in their 30's. His son has a family and two children of his own, and his daughter is a single mother of one. Ever since they started dating their children have treated my mom horribly, as well as their father. My step-father raised these children when their mother walked out on them and did everything to care for his granddaughter when his daughter got pregnant.
My mom has made every effort to be a part of their life and has even confronted them, but they don't get it. They are very cold and his son won't even talk to his father anymore...for NO reason. He just keeps spreading rumors about his father. Don't you think they would be happy to see that their father is happy? His ex-wife is remarried, why do they still talk to her?
Any suggestions on what to do when the step kids are grown. I know this tears my step father apart, as he is missing out on his grandkids growing up. Any advice would be much appreciated. In a nice way, I wish they knew what it is like to lose a parent, but they are so cold that I don't even know if that would make a difference. It just hurts because I know my mom thinks that if they wouldn't have gotten married, he would still have his family.
Thank you all. Some of t his sounds quite familiar to me. My father's mother died when he was in his early 20s. His mother had been ill for some time. His father, my grandfather, remarried about eight months later to a co-worker. My father just couldn't deal with it. He pretty much quit talking to his father and stepmother soon after the wedding.
It wasn't until my sister was born five years later that the ice began to thaw. My father began to realize, with my mother's nudging, that his kids needed to know their grandparents even if he was still stewing over the marriage. That's when they started seeing each other again. I can remember feeling a bit strange when we'd be at their house because of the bad feelings. But they never fought in front of us and we did come to have a good relationship with our grandfather and step-grandmother, although we did live far away.
The only thorn in the situation is that the step-grandmother had children and grandchildren from her first marriage and they always came first for her. Most of my real grandmother's things have all gone to her children and grandchildren. I've gotten past that as things don't matter much to me but my mother still stews about it. But my step-grandmother took very good care of my grandfather until he died so I don't hold anything against her. We're just not all that close.
I know it must hurt your stepfather to know his own children are closing him out. Maybe if he talked alone with his kids about putting bad feelings aside for the grandchildren, putting aside personal feuds, would be for the ultimate good of the little ones. They need to know their grandparents if at all possible.
Please reassure your mother that it is NOT her fault. His kids probably would have reacted like that no matter who he married. They should be thrilled he found love again. My own father died two years ago and I would love for my mother to remarry if she finds the right fellow. I've told her that so she knows that I want her to be happy. I'm 37 and she has her own life to live now. |
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