Replies to '11/22 "Yours, Mine & Ours"'

I'm posting this for all the step moms who feel like the "other women" because their husband's relationship with their daughter.  Please be a little understanding of the daughter's position.   

I haven't seen the show yet, but the situation between Mark, Juli and his daughter Samantha seemed so similar ours when I was 12 that I had to write.   

A father who becomes so close to his daughter that he treats her as his companion instead of his child, is doing damage to the daughter.  He is taking away her role as daughter and his role as a father and changing their relationship into something else.  From what I've seen in others and from what I feel about my past relationship with my father, the father is creating this "close" relationship not because he loves the daughter so much, but because he's lonely.  He is using the daughter to fill the place that the adult women should fill.  The step mom or girl friend should be the father's confidant, late night companion and the person to share private jokes with, not the daughter.   

The daughter, most likely, loves the extra attention and the privileged position she is given.  What kid wouldn't?  A divorce can be a very lonely, painful, confusing experience for a child.  Where you once had a whole family, now it is broken.  You are often left feeling vulnerable and somehow "less" than before.  If your father offers you a relationship appears to  fills that void, you take it. 

Of course, this causes problems for any women who enters the picture ( it often causes problems for the daughter's future relationships with men but that's a different story).  The father already has a "significant other"; his daughter. 

I'm certainly not saying that all fathers who are close to their daughters are crossing the line.  I think that most fathers respect their daughters and treat them as daughters should be treated, not like companions, but like their children.  I just remember how it often was when my father dated other women.  My father treated me as an adult companion.  He talked to me about adult subjects, took me to adult movies,  let me stay up till when ever I wanted to.  When other women entered the picture, they, in a way, viewed me as another women.  I can't tell you how creepy this feels to the girl in that situation, even though the reason it feels creepy, is something you can't put a finger on at that age.  

So, I guess what I want to say is, if you are a women in this situation, please do not think of the daughter as another women you have to compete with.  She is a child who needs her father to set rules, guide her, and hopefully establish a healthy relationship with an adult women so she can have a good example of a relationship when she becomes an adult and seeks a companion of her own. 

I'm posting this for all the step moms who feel like the "other women" because their husband's relationship with their daughter.  Please be a little understanding of the daughter's position.   

I haven't seen the show yet, but the situation between Mark, Juli and his daughter Samantha seemed so similar ours when I was 12 that I had to write.   

A father who becomes so close to his daughter that he treats her as his companion instead of his child, is doing damage to the daughter.  He is taking away her role as daughter and his role as a father and changing their relationship into something else.  From what I've seen in others and from what I feel about my past relationship with my father, the father is creating this "close" relationship not because he loves the daughter so much, but because he's lonely.  He is using the daughter to fill the place that the adult women should fill.  The step mom or girl friend should be the father's confidant, late night companion and the person to share private jokes with, not the daughter.   

The daughter, most likely, loves the extra attention and the privileged position she is given.  What kid wouldn't?  A divorce can be a very lonely, painful, confusing experience for a child.  Where you once had a whole family, now it is broken.  You are often left feeling vulnerable and somehow "less" than before.  If your father offers you a relationship appears to  fills that void, you take it. 

Of course, this causes problems for any women who enters the picture ( it often causes problems for the daughter's future relationships with men but that's a different story).  The father already has a "significant other"; his daughter. 

I'm certainly not saying that all fathers who are close to their daughters are crossing the line.  I think that most fathers respect their daughters and treat them as daughters should be treated, not like companions, but like their children.  I just remember how it often was when my father dated other women.  My father treated me as an adult companion.  He talked to me about adult subjects, took me to adult movies,  let me stay up till when ever I wanted to.  When other women entered the picture, they, in a way, viewed me as another women.  I can't tell you how creepy this feels to the girl in that situation, even though the reason it feels creepy, is something you can't put a finger on at that age.  

So, I guess what I want to say is, if you are a women in this situation, please do not think of the daughter as another women you have to compete with.  She is a child who needs her father to set rules, guide her, and hopefully establish a healthy relationship with an adult women so she can have a good example of a relationship when she becomes an adult and seeks a companion of her own. 

I'm posting this for all the step moms who feel like the "other women" because their husband's relationship with their daughter.  Please be a little understanding of the daughter's position.   

I haven't seen the show yet, but the situation between Mark, Juli and his daughter Samantha seemed so similar ours when I was 12 that I had to write.   

A father who becomes so close to his daughter that he treats her as his companion instead of his child, is doing damage to the daughter.  He is taking away her role as daughter and his role as a father and changing their relationship into something else.  From what I've seen in others and from what I feel about my past relationship with my father, the father is creating this "close" relationship not because he loves the daughter so much, but because he's lonely.  He is using the daughter to fill the place that the adult women should fill.  The step mom or girl friend should be the father's confidant, late night companion and the person to share private jokes with, not the daughter.   

The daughter, most likely, loves the extra attention and the privileged position she is given.  What kid wouldn't?  A divorce can be a very lonely, painful, confusing experience for a child.  Where you once had a whole family, now it is broken.  You are often left feeling vulnerable and somehow "less" than before.  If your father offers you a relationship appears to  fills that void, you take it. 

Of course, this causes problems for any women who enters the picture ( it often causes problems for the daughter's future relationships with men but that's a different story).  The father already has a "significant other"; his daughter. 

I'm certainly not saying that all fathers who are close to their daughters are crossing the line.  I think that most fathers respect their daughters and treat them as daughters should be treated, not like companions, but like their children.  I just remember how it often was when my father dated other women.  My father treated me as an adult companion.  He talked to me about adult subjects, took me to adult movies,  let me stay up till when ever I wanted to.  When other women entered the picture, they, in a way, viewed me as another women.  I can't tell you how creepy this feels to the girl in that situation, even though the reason it feels creepy, is something you can't put a finger on at that age.  

So, I guess what I want to say is, if you are a women in this situation, please do not think of the daughter as another women you have to compete with.  She is a child who needs her father to set rules, guide her, and hopefully establish a healthy relationship with an adult women so she can have a good example of a relationship when she becomes an adult and seeks a companion of her own.