Replies to '11/22 "Yours, Mine & Ours"'

Quote From: wrebrashul

My situation is somwhat different, but very frustrating and has been the source of many heated arguments. This is a third marriage for both of us. My second husband died of Cancer and my husband divorced his wife of 12 years. My whole life I have loved people and like to study them and pretty much get along with all .  My husband's family are like none I have ever met!  They are very self-centered and only give status to their own and their offspring. For example, for many years the mother and granfdmother lived in Florida, and Christmas and Summer vacations only included the daughter and sons and their children. Spouses were never welcome. All of them are divorced and blame the spouse for the break-up. My current husband, one of the sons, is divorced from a woman who had him adopt her daughter and a foster child. As a result, we pay child support for these children who are not part of OUR lives, because they do not accept step mothers or her family either.The problem and the source of all our conflict is that he keeps contact with his family behind my back and feels there is nothing wrong with this. Whenever I confront him and ask that he express to his family that they should treat us as a couple and part of the family, he says they are willing, it is me that does not let them feel accepted.  I have never had any confrontation with them, but the brother has told me I interfere with their "bonding" with their brother, and they will call and leave messages like, I hope you get this message or the adopted daughters will send mail on rare occasions and always start by saying I hope you get this, to make it look like I would do something to prevent him from getting them.  They call him on his cell phone and he calls them and writes to them behind my back. It is so very frustrating! I have three grown children that fully accept my husband and include him in everything and I always make sure he is included in everything. I need some one to help me with advice on this issue, it is driving me crazy. His mother passed away and left nothing to him, but left money and homes to the brother and sister. Her excuse was she did not like his second wife and feared she would get some of what she left and she had helped him enough when she was alive, how can a mother do that? He accepts it and the brother and sister took all and never offered him anything, he thinks it is ok. I can not understand this way of thinking and his always defending them as right and me as the problem. This is killing my love for him and I am so tired of the conflict that I almost want out of this marriage. Please advise me if anyone has any suggestions.......Like you given a choice, he would choose his family over me, go figure!