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Replies to '11/22 "Yours, Mine & Ours"'
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November 29, 2005, 6:22 am PST
 Quote From: bonniesue this is so huge to me... i have been starting to think something was really wrong with me. You said stuff that i have said and felt about my husband.. but, wow, you have to have lived it before you know what its about. i had been calling it emotional incest and then found out it really is 'just that'.. It is really sick.. some of my friends and even my husband have said i am sick for things i have said and felt about them. but when i hear it from others.. its like a huge weight is lifting casue im feeling validated. They stare at each other all the time. and she dances and sings around him.. i said she acted like his 'geisha girl' . I told him she was not created for his 'pleasure'. I raised a girl with a step dad since she was 3. now i am with a new husband and his 5 year old princess. so i speak from experience. my first husband knew that i was 'in love' with him. all i really ;know about my present husband that he 'loves her so much'. I feel like he is constantily cheating on me with her. now they live down the road 2 blocks in anoter place and it makes me cringe to think of all the 'private time they have and bonding and how she is 'so' happy now with them... i said to him. that she sleeps with him more thant i do. i just cant seem to let go. and i think its becasue it is a literal compettion. and he is feeling pretty important.. having 2 girls fight over him.. its an ego boost.. its cruel to both child and mother and i feel so small to think that i am in compettion with a 5year old. its a real sick hook and hard to get out of. For a lot of years I thought that my "issues" were clouding this one, as I didn't have a close relationship with my father. They both knew it and kept telling me that it was "normal" for a father to love his daughter so much. But even our friends saw and commented on things, and when she was still 13 14 15 years old and piling up in his lap to "snuggle" I knew for sure that she was just trying to goad me and prove that he loved her "more".
Make no mistake...kids are not "innocent" as people would like to thing they are, and they haven't developed the conscience to see past the selfishness of what they want, at the expense of others. This girl told me she would eventually get rid of me, and now, after she is grown, married and pregnant, her dream of having me gone is finally being realized.
Don't for one instant think it will get better when they grow up and start having lives of their own. It probably won't. I thought if I could stick it out until they were out of the house that I would have it made. WRONG.
My advice is that if he cannot or will not see a problem here, and take any pro-active steps to change things, you are better off getting out while you can, instead of investing years in a doomed relationship.
I feel for you, sweetie. it's hard, isnt it? You are NOT the "sick" one, here. As Dr. P says, it is better to be well alone than sick with someone else. Think about it, and make a wise choice.
Debi |
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November 29, 2005, 11:09 am PST
Quote From: bonniesue this is so huge to me... i have been starting to think something was really wrong with me. You said stuff that i have said and felt about my husband.. but, wow, you have to have lived it before you know what its about. i had been calling it emotional incest and then found out it really is 'just that'.. It is really sick.. some of my friends and even my husband have said i am sick for things i have said and felt about them. but when i hear it from others.. its like a huge weight is lifting casue im feeling validated. They stare at each other all the time. and she dances and sings around him.. i said she acted like his 'geisha girl' . I told him she was not created for his 'pleasure'. I raised a girl with a step dad since she was 3. now i am with a new husband and his 5 year old princess. so i speak from experience. my first husband knew that i was 'in love' with him. all i really ;know about my present husband that he 'loves her so much'. I feel like he is constantily cheating on me with her. now they live down the road 2 blocks in anoter place and it makes me cringe to think of all the 'private time they have and bonding and how she is 'so' happy now with them... i said to him. that she sleeps with him more thant i do. i just cant seem to let go. and i think its becasue it is a literal compettion. and he is feeling pretty important.. having 2 girls fight over him.. its an ego boost.. its cruel to both child and mother and i feel so small to think that i am in compettion with a 5year old. its a real sick hook and hard to get out of. My finaces daughter does the same things - she is almost 13 - and we used to have "dance" parties with the kids. I have 1 son (16) and 4 daughters (ages almost 14, 11, almost 9 and 4). We used to have a lot of fun but it would get uncomfortable for me when his daughter would come over and grab him and pull him away from me and start grinding him - from the front and back. It makes my stomach turn to see the way she interacts with him and nothing is done - at least until I say something. We talk about her future and how these things will affect her later on in life in so many areas but then he gets to blaming himself and then he says things like she is my daughter and I don't like to think of her as being cruel, manipulative, disrespectful....He has always said since we met that he wants to keep her as young and innocent as long as he can but I told him she needs to grow up and stop being treated like a 2 year old. She is constantly sitting on his lap with her arms wrapped around his neck, she is always flashing herself at him - anything to get attention.
I have done a separate post which goes into more detail on some things so I won't do it here. But there is just so many things that are so inappropriate. |
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