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Replies to '11/22 "Yours, Mine & Ours"'
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November 30, 2005, 11:21 am PST
 Quote From: darlene14 Well, my fiance and I had a long discussion about this show the other night and the way I see it as the way things are with us. He doesn't like the fact that she would be considered his surrogate wife. I have been telling him this since we got together at the end of May. He said he hasn't been having her come over here to our house until some things get worked out. I told him it isn't going to do her any good to stay away and not be involved. He said he doesn't want to put it all on her so fast all at one time...I told him he needs to stop babying her and she needs to deal with life sometime - it isn't going to go away. So since she hasn't been over for 2-3 weeks he had made plans - without my knowing - to take her out. Well, since I didn't know anything about it his plans backfired and it didn't happen because of his obligations here. So, his rude, disrespectful daughter hung up on him.
The only time she even comes around or wants anything to do with her dad is when he is buying her something. He doesn't agree. I have told him all she cares about are material things and not about the relationship. I told him that when she does come over here she doesn't pay much attention to him - it is all with my daughter - and when my daughter isn't here or doesn't pay all her attention to her she leaves.
He said if he had the money right now like he did before he would be buying my kids everything they wanted to and I said no you wouldn't - I won't let you. I don't want my kids to end up being spoiled brats and I want them to know what it is like to have to work for what they want and feel the accomplishment of it. They aren't going to learn to expect everything and that they deserve everything - to be handed over to them. He just doesn't get it.
My daughter said that my fiances daughter doesn't even talk to her anymore at school, which doesn't surprise me. She gets what she wants when she comes over here and that is for my daughter to treat me like s**t and all the attention on her and what she wants so it doesn't matter when she isn't here.
I feel soooo much better knowing there are others who are experiencing the same thing I am. I was beginning to wonder if I was looking for trouble. My Stpdtr too, only comes around when she wants something and then leaves when she gets it. For the most part, if she calls and requests something and Dad won't do it, he gets called a bunch of names, emotional warfare results and then she very nicely hangs up on him. I have said that they have the most warped relationship I've ever seen between father and daughter, he deals with her "outbursts" as a husband would deal with a wife, not a Father dealing with daughter. Once she hangs up on him, she does not come around, call - nothing - could be days, weeks (as long as someone else is catering to her in this time frame)Then....she calls and hb just about trips over himself he is soooo happy, she can hear it in his voice and at this point he will go to the ends of the earth just to see her and guess what? She has won once again. It is a vicious cycle and is quite pathetic to watch from where I stand. The outcome of this for me is that I am slowly losing respect for his as a person and as a man. And that I know is the kiss of death for a relationship. I feel like my future is in the hands of a hormone riddled, psychotic teenage girl and it scares me. I have even looked up NPD (Narcissitic Personality Disorder) because I think most of the symptoms apply to the step, I fluctuate between thinking she has a real mental disorder or is she just the most spoiled, indulged child I've ever met and what the @##$% kind of adult is she going to be? Jeez, are we going to be bailing this kid out of everything for the rest of our lives? She also has not much of relationship with my kids(my son is the same age, same grade) and he finds it very difficult, because he feels he gets branded with the same reputation as her as she is VERY PROMISCUOUS - no detail, you'd be shocked. Dad knows about ALL of it, the drugs, the sex everything and is SCARED to talk to her, because he is scared she won't come around at all then. Vicious circle. |
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December 2, 2005, 6:19 am PST
Quote From: darlene14 Well, my fiance and I had a long discussion about this show the other night and the way I see it as the way things are with us. He doesn't like the fact that she would be considered his surrogate wife. I have been telling him this since we got together at the end of May. He said he hasn't been having her come over here to our house until some things get worked out. I told him it isn't going to do her any good to stay away and not be involved. He said he doesn't want to put it all on her so fast all at one time...I told him he needs to stop babying her and she needs to deal with life sometime - it isn't going to go away. So since she hasn't been over for 2-3 weeks he had made plans - without my knowing - to take her out. Well, since I didn't know anything about it his plans backfired and it didn't happen because of his obligations here. So, his rude, disrespectful daughter hung up on him.
The only time she even comes around or wants anything to do with her dad is when he is buying her something. He doesn't agree. I have told him all she cares about are material things and not about the relationship. I told him that when she does come over here she doesn't pay much attention to him - it is all with my daughter - and when my daughter isn't here or doesn't pay all her attention to her she leaves.
He said if he had the money right now like he did before he would be buying my kids everything they wanted to and I said no you wouldn't - I won't let you. I don't want my kids to end up being spoiled brats and I want them to know what it is like to have to work for what they want and feel the accomplishment of it. They aren't going to learn to expect everything and that they deserve everything - to be handed over to them. He just doesn't get it.
My daughter said that my fiances daughter doesn't even talk to her anymore at school, which doesn't surprise me. She gets what she wants when she comes over here and that is for my daughter to treat me like s**t and all the attention on her and what she wants so it doesn't matter when she isn't here.
So - let me get this straight - you've been with your fiance since May? And you've expressed your feeling about your fiances daughter and the way that she acts with him to him? You think that he needs to stop babying a 12 or 13 year old? I gotta tell you that I think you are way off the mark. First of all - if my husband had been giving me fits about the way my son and I behave together after 7 months together - I'd have been telling him to hit the bricks. I read in another post that you have a problem with your fiances daughter crawling into his lap or dancing with him - and yes, you said grind.... well.... at 31 years old, I'm a married woman and a mother and I still crawl into Daddy's lap for a hug and we have hysterical pictures of my Dad and I at my wedding grinding. WHY? Because there IS NOTHING sexual there. He's my DAD! If you love this man - and I have to believe that you do because you are engaged to him... don't make enemies with his daughter. Don't make him choose between you and his daughter. You are the adult - BE the adult - be firm but understand - it's his daughter!!!! Again, I think the main problem in most of the posts and stories that I am hearing is not the childs problem... it's the parents. Talk to your kids before you bring a girlfriend or boyfriend into the picture, don't move in with someone right away, realize that the relationship between a child and their parent is sacred. BE PARENTS TO YOUR KIDS. And parents, LET NO ONE COME BETWEEN YOUR KIDS AND YOU. |
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