Replies to '12/02 Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club, Part 3'

 The reality is that we all identify with our relationships. It's a sad state of affairs but we often give so much of us to our relationship to the point that if it should end, we have nothing left in our well. On a day-to-day basis, we often find ourselves going to the well inside and giving to others. But when it comes time to dip into the well for us, there's nothing left.  That's why it's important that in any relationship, there is a give and take.

I understand that love is about giving, and as a male who so much believes in daily romance, I've done it quite often. But we must require that the partner in our life also gives to us in return. Perhaps that's one reason why these members of the first wives club hurt so much and so deeply.
Adultry hurts no matter how you slice it. And to be left for someone younger (I just don't understand why a middle-aged man would chase after someone younger.) intensifies that pain. After all, we get married with the expectation that this IS it; we start out as a couple, raising a family, planning, dreaming of a life together, and then to have it suddenly be thrown out for someone younger.

What happend to history? What happened to the forever 'I love you'? All those days and months of getting to know each other, finding out about each other's quirks, traits, small things and then have them tossed. It doesn't make sense. Besides, it's such a comfort having someone there who knows you so well that there's no walking on eggshells for fear of upsetting their day. I honestly believe that being together through thick and thin should be the cement that binds us.

But that's not what happened here, and that's the tragedy in all this. These men didn't realize what wonderful wives they had, and now they've lost it all. For these women, that's the better part of it. They will carry on and find a better life than what they had before. After all, it sounds like they also settled for less when they could have had more. Each one of them is so beautiful, intelligent and vibrant. What hapened was that in their relationships, they settled for just being wives instead of vibrant people. And they probably settled for going to their own well for strength and support and finally found there was no more to give.

When my daughter left home at 18, she asked me if I had some advice. I told her: Never give up on your dreams, they're yours to keep forever. Never settle for anything less than what you want and believe in. Never let a man take away your dreams or put them on a backburner for his own dreams or pursuits. If you do, you will never realize your dreams. And finally, I told her that if a man could ever clinch his fist in anger at you, leave. Because the distance between the clinched fist in  anger and you is just a swing away. And that's not far at all.

Live well....