Replies to 'Repairing Broken Relationships'

christydidit

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August 25, 2008, 1:53 pm PDT

Peace

Quote From: mlshumak

ONearly two years agio my two daughters in-law started telling each other thing that I had supposedly said about the other. They were twisting things I said and making things look bad. My husband and I talked to both our sons (one is 45 and the other 30) and they both agreed that it was all baloney, but they felt they had to stand behind their wives. The oldest son had been married for 14 years when the youngest got married. My first daughter-in-law could not stand his choice of a wife and would not hardly be decent to her. I tried to act as a mediator and that mad e matters worse. Then for about two years everything went along smoothly. Then my mother died and I guess they decided to band together against me. The youngest daughter in law told me that I didn't like her because she stole my baby boy. Then she told me that my mother liked her better than me. I told her that she was not playing teenage friend games...she is messing with family. My husband and I tried to set up counseling for the whole family and we would pay for it. The sons were all for it, but the daughters-in-law would not have anything to do with it. It wound up with just the two of us going and being told that until they were ready to work things out, out hands are tied. The youngest daughter-in-law lies every time she opens her mouth. She and my son and the two year old daughter are now living with her parents because they are so far in debt. My son has come home and lived with us twice during their four year marriage at his wifes request. They were so financially burdoned that we helped get them back on their feet even though she was not speaking and would not allow hin to bring the baby over here. He moved back to his house and within a few months they were behind again on payments and had to sell their house. She is a REal Estate salesman and ;put it on the market. The same week she went out and bought a new BMW SUV. How do you ever repair a family that has been torn apart by lies and the persons respionsible are not willing to mend the relationship and go on.?

I am a daughter in law of a troubled parent. I have been married for 16 yrs. The biggest problem I have found with my mother in law is that she insist on judging not just me but every daughter in law she has had. My husband has a sister in law that clearly has issues with everyone in her husbands family and my mother in law on added to our problems. I hope that as a future mother in law myself that I never judge my son's wife and can accept the fact that he will be the head of his household. If my son will allow his wife to disrepect any member of his family, it is he that I will blame and hold accountable. I have never disrepected my mother in law but I have been disrepected by her. I trust my husband to deal with his own family the best he can and he will keep his mother straight, that is not my roll as a daughter in law. Take your family to church and be an example for them. Trust that they make their own decisions in life and don't be so quik to point the finger at anyone other than your own child. I bet your sons did gladly agree with everything that you arranged so that they didn't have to take any heat from both sides. You are the one they are looking to for guidance dispite what they may say or do. Take the high road as a mom and bring your family together. It is the best decision you will ever make. Make your daughter in laws feel like the most loved dauther in laws in the world, just as you would want their parents to treat you kids. You can mend this relationship and it is up to you as the mom to get your sons together and hold them accountable. If everyone could be as forgiving to others as they are their own children, there would be no problems. They are your daughters now and should be treated as such. Give each one the benefit of doubt and show a little trust, it will go a long way. It isn't your place to get into their finances. If they are willing to go into debt they need to get themselves out. Let your son deal with his own issues with his wife, but give positive advice if asked. He evidently didn't have a problem with her new SUV or he would have made her take it back for the sake of their marriage. Your son needs to be a man and take responsability for his home. If there are touchy issues, put boundaries around the subject to protect your relationship. If your son's married them, they must be worth loving. A mothers love is to be unconditional.

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