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December 13, 2005, 12:23 pm PST
12/05 Nasty Breakups
Quote From: brobbyi think the daughter in the second family is being so closed minded and selfish. she should be glad she has a father who is willing to go on the show and try to mend the torn relationship. she says she doesnt want a relationship with him, even after he says he does.....that makes me so sad. my husband and i both grew up without fathers, and i was without my mother at age 11. get over it, hug and move on.....it could be alot worse. there are plenty of people out there who dont have any parents. grow up. It is sad that you did not grow up with a father, and I am sorry for that, but just because a man has the role of the father in another's life, doesn't automatically give him the freedom to cause hurt or pain in his children's lives. For a child to drastically change his or her feelings towards one of their parents, must mean something serious happened. It is not like she woke up one morning and said, "hmmmm, I feel like hating my Dad from this day forward". I am in a similar situation with my father, not because he annulled his marriage with my mom, but because he emotionally and mentally abused me and my sister sense we were very young. He left such deep emotional scars that it is very hard for us to have a relationship with him. If I understand you correctly, you think that my sister and I should give him a hug, forgive him and move on with our lives? Unfortunately, emotional pain doesn't just go away with a big hug and telling yourself you forgive the person. It takes years to come to grips with your pain, to come to grips with your failed relationship, and to work on trust again. This is the same process with any relationship a person is in. You personally may be able to forgive and move on that easily, but that is not the norm. You may not feel that her reasoning for this separation is a good reason, but until you are in her shoes you really shouldn't pass judgment on her feelings. I agree, she was being a bit extreme with her reasoning. I personally felt that she was making excuses for her anger and hurt. She was using the religious aspect as her excuse, but really I didn't buy it. I think she was mad and hurt about the divorce, and the reason for it, which I think it was her father's new wife, and that is the only reason for her feelings toward her father. I really think she hurts for her mother and that she is still in disbelief that all of this happened. Either way, her relationship with her father is damaged and as much as you think he wants a relationship with his daughter, it is not the same relationship he had with her before, and that is all his own fault. He has changed tremendously and to his daughters, they may look at him and not see the man they grew up trusting. Remember, just because he has the role of the father doesn't make him right. It doesn't give him the right to hurt his children and it doesn't automatically make his daughter the bad guy because she needs her space from him.
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