Replies to 'Differing Sex Drives'

Thanks for your reply. You have no idea how many women I've heard that are in my position. What's wrong with this picture? Why is it so strange that a husband is attracted to his wife? It's just unfortunate for me that my wife does not have the same affliction - that would kind of solve everything for us, huh?

This is my first post and I'm very frustrated, so bare with me please :)

You have no idea how relieved I was to read that another woman is frustrated with her sex life in the same manner that I am. I have been with my boyfriend for 1 yr now. The first 3-4 months were great, but not so much since then. I moved in with him about 5 months into the relationship, but it started shortly before that. I think subconciously I thought by being there all the time would make it more frequent. I have talked to him about it several times, I've told him that I don't feel that he's attracted to me and that hurts. I've told him that I feel more desired by guy friends and even strangers than I do by him. This is such an issue for me that it bothers me when he gives ANY attention to other women, becuase I feel that I don't get enough myself! I've told him this too, and he insists that he is attracted to me, that doesn't desire any other women and that all he wants to do is be with me. He says that, because he works long hours, when he gets home he is tired and just having conversation and hanging out together and"cuddling" means more to him than having sex. Which, I can appreciate this to an extent, but sometimes I'm left feeling alone. Then when I feel like that I get frustrated with myself becuase I know that once again, it's going to bother me to the extent that I start treating him differently; most of the time I just shut myself off from him, I won't talk to him and I go read or clean or something to keep myself busy. But by the end of that I'm usually crying becuase I'm so mad about the whole situation. I don't think that it should be an issue for us at all, we're 27 & 29 yrs old! I agree with what you said about keeping yourself busy and playing hard to get. I read a part in Dr Phils advice about working on yourself rather than trying to work on them, if you're happy with yourself then they'll be happy with you. I'm going to try both of these, although I work 1 FT & 1 PT job and go to school PT and feel that I stay pretty busy and physically, I've very happy with myself, I obviously have some self conscience issues to work on. And when I get those straightened out and decide if it's just me or if he just can't make me happy in that dept, I'll move on from there.

I am currently with someone I love very much.  I can't even begin to explain.  I read what you had to say and it gave me a glimmer of hope.  We have been together 4 years.  For the most part he is exactly what I have always wanted.  I have 2 children which I have brought into the relationship.  He is very attentive to them.  He helps them with their homework and he plays with them.  He is definitely an active dad and that is what I have always wanted for them.  He and I have alot of fun together.  We snowboard, play games together, play with the kids together and more.  Having quality time together seems to come easy to him/us.  We  had an incredible sex life before we lived together.  We lived almost 200 miles apart and he would visit faithfully every weekend or every other weekend and extra when he could.  When he was around me he could not get enough of me.  My kids and I recently moved in with him.  Starting a new life and family was not easy but we both lightened up a little and its going pretty well now.  Except for sex.  there are several problems I wanted to pass by you because I think you successfully conquered this problem in your relationship.

 

First of all it seems that I can never get it if I want it.  It kind of sounds like that with you also.  How do you deal with that.  I would love to surprise him with sexy nighties etc.  But, I have been turned down several times and told several times "when I don't want it, I can't be convinced into having it"  Any suggestions.  Doesn't it seem slightly unbalanced that you have always having it only when he wants it.

 

Second does your husband masturbate like its going out of style.  This is the most frustrating part.  Here I am horny as hell just to find out that he is having fun on his own without me two to three time a week, sometimes even more.   Which is exactly my sex drive.  I would like it if we would do it 2-3 times a week.   Is this happening in your relationship.  My idea of your relationship is that when your husband does not want sex he is not sexually interested period.  I have even told him that sexually intimacy does not need to consist of sexually intercourse.  We could have fun together side by side etc.   But, no luck.  I have even brought it to his attention that he masturbates as least as much as I want it so why not do something together to take care of his sexual energy.  No luck there either.  I am so frustrated.  I just want us to enjoy each other and have fun with each other.

 

I hear what you are saying it is not my fault.  I am attractive and worthy of his love.  I need to stop those tapes.  But to tell you the truth, I am so scared to play hard to get.  I am worried that he will just masturbate more and we will have it even less.

 

I could really use someone to talk to about this any thoughts or suggestions.  By the way I am going to take your lead to play hard to get and act as if I could take it or leave it and see what happens.  But I am scared stiff about doing it.

 

I am working the next  couple days so wont be back to the message board until Saturday.