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Replies to '03/31 Love Smart, Part 1'
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December 7, 2005, 12:22 pm PST
 Quote From: juditha I am not saying NO to these guys - they are saying NO to me and usually to my face. I end up with their friendship but never their love. Because I am their friend, they feel comfortable enough to tell my why "it just won't work".
I have had the young men approach me to see if I would "teach them". Since I don't look 47, I have met men in their 30's interested only to have them disappear once they find out that I can't have their children. The men close to my age (in their 40's) either want a f*ck buddy (his actual words) or have told me that I am too old for them.
I had one 54 year old guy tell me that my daughter was the reason he was refusing to date me (he had already raised his kids and didn't want to do that again). One guy refused to date me because I DIDN'T smoke and he did. Other older men (over 50) are disappointed that I cannot just take off at the drop of a hat because I have the responsiblitiy of a daughter who is only 6 years old.
I am still friends with most of these guys, especially the ones honest enough to tell me the real reasons they don't want to date me.
So, I am open to any age gentleman but it seems that my unusual situation (late 40's with a small child) has so limited my choices it's like I have no choice at all.
My point is that you are generalizing based on some of your experiences. Not all men in these age groups are like what you have experienced. It is like sales or guys asking women out on dates, you keep asking until you get a "yes." Not all men smoke and not all 30 year old men need a woman to teach them whatever it is they need to learn. There are a lot of single 30/40 year old men who have children by a previous marriage who don't want to father another child. Finally, keep in mind if someone says no to you because they don't want to raise another child, how fortunate you are to know that before hand. If I find the woman of my dreams and she happens to have a child, I just have to remember, children do grow up. I think I can handle the responsibilities of raising another child (if this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.) I've been single for over 12 years now and I still hope to find the right woman. I heard Bette Midler once said, "I have standards. They may be low, but I have standards." (Funny, huh?) |
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