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Replies to 'The Meaning of "Family"'
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December 23, 2005, 11:47 am PST
 Quote From: cowtipper7 Hi everyone. I am a step parent of 3 adult kids, I have been married to their dad for 10 years. The whole ten years have been happy between he and I. Early on things seemed pretty "swell" between us all until they, then 17, 12 and 8, would come and just trash our place. I would plead, complain etc, but "that ain't workin'" so I finally stopped. My husband would not talk to them about it, nor would he take any action, they all simply went with their thing and I was left trying to figure out how I COULD MAKE THINGS BETTER FOR THEM. Well, ten years later, they are distant and very univolved in my life, they are somewhat involved in their Dad's, but communciation is almost nill. I was the one that kept them all in the know most of the time...and now after I lost my own dad, they (the kids) were not anywhere around for me....nor have they ever been for anything that concerned me. I have alot of ups and downs and never have they even tried to show any concern for me. I think I am seen as an intruder even after all the effort I have made to be their friend, they just simply don't want to be one back. Gee...it only me ten years to figure that out. Well, after my step daughter began to complain how hre dad and I haven't been there for anything she invites us to because we always have something planned, I unloaded on her. I said that not only had we been there when we could, she simply has a bad habit of planning things last minute or not when she said she would originally, but I let her know how I felt about the way she and her brothers had not been there for me at any time. My husband still refuses to deal with this or them and how they have treated me and now I am simply just sick of seeing them, hearing about them and thinking about them. ....and there are birthdays and holidays coming up.....what do I do? I know I what I can AFTER the holidays, but what about during them when I have to make nice and pretend all is well? I read your message and could feel your pain. I too am in a similar situation but only engaged to their dad and recently moved in with him. His children are adults 29 and 35 single males. They were raised very protected, close knit family, private schools, designer clothes etc. Both graduated from college but never left home. Their mom passed away from cancer and there dad didn't date for four years until he met me. I personally thought they were the greatest for two years until their dad and I got engaged and then the horns came out. They made no bones about it that they didn't think I was suitable for their dad and they would never accept me. I was devastated because they never showed a sign of that . Since then they reverted to calling me by my first name instead of putting the Ms. in front of it like they use to. I would like to think it was because they felt close to me but I really believe it's to show disrespect. I can be talking telling a story or whatever and they totally tune me out like no one is even talking. I always treat them with the greatest respect even though there are times that would really like to tell them how the cow eats the cabbage. Their dad recently decided that maybe it was about their concern of me getting their inheritance so I volunteered for him to give everything to them that was his and his wifes assets however I told him that what we did together would be ours to split equally amount my children as well as his. As time has gotten closer to our "maybe wedding day" now it seems that he feels he will need to do a prenup as well to futher protect his kids and let them see that it's not about his money. He just bought a new home and asked that I move in with him until we get married in April. I thought it was a good idea to make sure this could work. Now I'm having second thoughts. These kids control the house. They make plans for dinner parties or cocktails with their friends and/or relatives and never say anything to anyone. Dad supplies all the food, the booze, you name it. I pulled in the driveway yesterday, they're all parked in our places, every light on the house and no one even bothered to pick up the three huge garbage cans that were in the front yard. Dad's only 61 with a hurt shoulder but he should be able to do that too or better yet they probably thought me (the maid) would do it. Believe it or not Dad says nothing, sees nothing wrong just picks up the garbage cans, buys more liquor and food. I keep thinking maybe when we get married it will get better but after reading your story, it looks like it could get worse. I guess we both have a lot to think about |
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