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December 8, 2005, 3:09 pm PST
12/07 Love Smart, Part 2
Quote From: divableu21This is for all of you who said that Dr. Phil missed large chunks of the population...Remember, he does the shows that people ask for. If you want dating advice for older people, don't groan about it in the message boards, write the show's producers. If they knew that so many older people (or single parents, etc etc whatever your particular situation is) wanted advice, then I'm sure that they would do a show. Also, if you are so pessimistic about everything, then you'll never find whoever it is you are supposed to meet. Some of you have said so much about not needing a man or woman, but then you get all negative sounding, so it does sound like you are looking for Mr/s Right. Chill out a bit, and they will come. Be yourself, be friendly with the cashier in the grocery checkout, be nice to your waiter or waitress, and most of all SMILE--you never know who's watching. If you walk around with a stanky-funky look on your face, then no one will approach you. I was never the most outgoing person, and neither was my boyfriend, but we just drifted together, watching each other smile. The conversation was always genuine. Of course, I have enough past baggage to fill the cargo hold of a 747, but that didn't come up until later when we'd gotten to know each other pretty well and had begun dating exclusively. Don't bring up your past until you are comfy with each other. Things will come out in their own time. Don't try to force your date to be your spouse. Dating is just that--dating!! Have fun with it, yes some dates will go wrong, but use those bad dates as learning experiences. If you're in a rural place (been there did that, so I understand!! I lived in a town with ONE stoplight for a while), take some weekend jaunts with your friends to a bigger town to see sights and chat up some people. Some say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result, so do something different. Even taking your kids can give the opportunity to meet some other single parents. Kids aren't always a deal breaker. My mom was single (divorced) for 9 years, and when she took my brother and I to her friend's bbq one summer, she met my super-great stepfather who was also a single dad. They've now been happily married for 5 years (and she was 49 when they met, and he was in his later 50s, so it is possible). Also, get out and do some things you enjoy. When you do what makes you happy, it radiates from the inside out, and others can sense that. When you are happy and lovin' and livin' life on your own terms people are more likely to approach you and find out what you are so happy about. So chill out, be happy that you still have life in you, and things will fall into place. I did write the show producers, last night. I do agree that the show was great but not nessarily for the population over 50, especially for those widowed. There is alot of bad feelings between those widowed and those divorced as those divorced think the issues are the same and those widowed think the divorcees have no clue. But the basic issue of returning to the dating scene is the same, whether your are in that position by choice or by no choice. We are older adults. We don't have the "barbie" figures but often times, we have our self-esteem in tack, meaning we are comfortable in our own skins. The problem being, we haven't dated in XX number of years. Friends and family are so helpful that they point out all the single men and some will even go as far as setting up the date. The problem there is generally, both parties don't know how to act. We don't remember those nice questions to ask to get to know the other person and often end up saying the wrong thing which becomes a turn off for the other person. I know, I've made my share of mistakes and recognized it when it happened. What I'm asking from Dr Phil is to address the older generation who want to risk a new relationship. We have already been thru the raising of our families and now looking forward to share the rest of our "golden years" with the "right" person. We don't exactly want to grow old, alone.
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