Quote From: pearl2purl The funniest thing happened when I finally sat down to write this letter I have been dreading.
The first draft was simply a "vent" letter, and intended to let me just spew it all out without any restrictions; afterwards I could actually THINK for the first time in almost a year. All the marbles in my head just stopped rolling around and it felt quieter than it had in years.
I waited a few days before I went any further; I wanted to experience this new feeling of "quiet" for a little while before I started messin' around with it.
When I came back to write the letter I had intended to send to him, another thing had changed. Instead of this letter being a "This is what you failed to do for me" letter, it became a letter of positive affirmations toward ME. Instead of venting some more, which he still wouldn't get, I began to write what I was no longer willing to have in my life.
That was life-changing; definately a new kind of defining moment in my life. That was a few weeks ago, and those life-altering thoughts have really taken hold, and have helped me face another controlling situation. I was able to keep my integrity, keep my boundaries and keep my cool in what could have been a giant step backwards for me. The party in question sure isn't happy about it, and isn't shy about letting me know about it; that's okay, too. I have realized that this is a learning experience for all of us in close proximity, and I need to be as tolerant of others as they learn as well.
In the end I never sent that letter. I realized that he would never understand the gravity of it, and sending it would keep me locked in the battle of hate I no longer wanted. I let the baggage go.
For the first time in years I found myself talking about the good things that had happened in the relationship, and the good things I have learned from him -- i.e. I have a new appreciation of jazz that I would have never gotten into had this person not introduced me to it, and this is a new gift I enjoy nearly every day.
Healing sometimes creeps up on you in stockinged feet, but it is sweet when it does.
Now I can work on the bigger vision, and make the steps I need to in order to keep moving forward.
