Replies to 'Setting Boundaries'

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3.5 yrs.  He is divorced, 2 kids, daughter 20, son 18.  Me, widowed for 12 yrs, 21 yr old son stilling living at home/fiance & 2 yr old son.  I travel for a living weekly, and the pattern has been that he stays with me Friday nights when I get home from traveling, I stay with him Saturday eve's, then I'm off to the airport again on Sunday afternoon.  His job required he be in Florida a large amount of time from last July, 2004 through May, 2005.  I was able to be with him quite a bit during that time.  During that time, the ex was to be taking care of the kids and instead of keeping them in tact, she allowed them to party at my ex's house 5 straight nights the first week he was gone...to the point of major disruption to the neighbors and as a result began an uphill battle between my ex and I.  In addition to this all, the now 20 yr old daughter has decided dad is spending too much time with "HIS OTHER FAMILY" (Meaning me), money on me and not enough on her and has made it her life's goal to break us up and manipulate her father to the point I can't stand it any more.  Both kids are to be at their mother's 4 nights a week and with their father 3 nights.  They are both at dad's house 7 nights a week, except to sleep and he continues to pay the ex the agreed upon child support. The disrespect the daughter shows her father is unbelievable and me and she is only nice to him when she wants something.  My boyfriend REFUSES to discipline the kids and they take total advantage of his generosity.  In the past month, the daughter has stolen the diamond ring my boyfriend bought me (I do now have it back), thrown away the robe & slippers the kids bought me for Christmas last year, taken and hidden the pictures of my boyfriend & I, thrown all the cards I have bought him on the floor, locked me out of the house and then most recently attacked me in the house.  Through all these things, my boyfriend had not once disciplined her or made her repurchase a new robe/slippers, or apologize for any of the things she has done!  I can't stand the daughter's behaviors anymore but I also love this guy and don't want to leave.  I am no so angry and hurt over all the manipulation/and lack of setting boundarries with the kids that we now constantly fight.  I don't know what to do.  I have begun counseling to try and help me, and he has also agreed to go with me and we have been once together, but I am afraid it's too late....He will NEVER set boundaries with the kids and we will never be OK.  Any suggestions????  I have made all the efforts to try and fix things and he does nothing and she outright refuses to take any responsibility for anything.   HELP!!!!