Replies to '06/07 Moms' Biggest Mistakes'

First of all, Misty, you have to understand that children cannot be spoiled until they have an understanding about behavior and cause and effect. This doesn't happen (developmentally) until sometime around 18 months or 2 years (any child development experts, feel free to correct me if I'm off there). Only when they begin to realize "If I throw a tantrum for [Reason A, Mommy and Daddy will [Effect A." (With Reason A being anything from wanting a candybar at the store to staying up later, and Effect A being they get the candy bar and are allowed five or ten or fifteen more minutes at bedtime.) You cannot spoil an infant. The best way to avoid a spoiled child is through consistency. If you refuse them the candy bar one time, but give in the next, they will expect you will give in a second time. If you don't give in the next time, they will continue to try. Do not give in! Set up a reward system around the age of 3 or 4. For example, my parents set up the reward system like this- If my siblings and I behaved ourselves while errands were being run (the whole time, not just part of it) we were allowed to pick one small item from the checkout line at the store, which was always the last stop. (A pack of gum, a candy bar, a pack of tic tacs, whatever.) 

Also, be consistent with discipline at home. If you find a technique that works (such as time outs or loss of t.v. time, etc.) stick with it! Children crave consistency, they need it to feel safe and comfortable with their "world." If you put your child in the corner one time for dumping her cheerios on the floor, and it works, don't change the "punishment" the next time. (I really hate the word punishment and try to avoid it when I'm dealing with my child.) Remember, though, that disciplining your child will do no good before about the age of one or 18 months (again, child development experts, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong). 

Keep in mind the age appropriate child developmental milestones. My 2 year old is now learning to pour water and juice from one cup to another. I don't discipline her when she spills it on the floor, because that would be a hinderance to her development. Instead, I try to guide her to be more careful the next time she tries. 

Finally, just do what your heart says is best. Parents who spoil their kids often (but don't always) feel a sense of guilt after they give in. This is because we know it's best for kids not to be spoiled! So, when dealing with your child, if you feel yourself getting that sick sense of "I probably shouldn't have given in just now..." try to avoid it the next time around (the giving in, not the feeling hehe).