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Replies to 'Abuse'
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June 6, 2007, 7:28 am PDT
 Quote From: alerri Hi, this is my fist time and I am really going to try to just lay this out there for the world to see.
I am a 21 year old wife and mother and I am currently a victim of marital rape. This is the fist I have said this to anyone, and its hard to hear. Please excuse my typing its 2 am in the morining and I dead inside and out.
I have two great boys who love thier Dad and I feel like I can't leave him because they need him everyday. I strive to look like the perfect family and to make my kids feel loved and suported and normal. I can't take thier Daddy away.
He is a great husband in most aspects except sexual aspects. He recently asked his sister-in-law to sleep with him, which is tearing me apart and he rapes me while I am asleep.
It started after our first sone was born 5 years ago. It hurt me very badly to engage in intercourse, so I was not willing to do so very often. After a few months of very little sex I began to wake up to my husband feeling me while I was asleep. Within a year I began waking up naked with him preforming oral sex and now it is to the point of penetration.
I usually woke up in the begining of the process and either ended it or engaged it simply because I felt as though it was my duty as a wife. However after last night I came to the realization that he is a rapist.
I take sleeping pills which do not help the situation and after taking one last night my husband completed the act while I was confused and crying. This episode left me hurt and bleeding. I lyed beside him in the bed sobbing for hours on end and woke up this morning with swollen eyes and a wet pillow. My husband has not said a work to me about it today. I finnally told him he owed me a apology, to let him know I do have recollection of the event. He said nothing but went to sleep on the couch.
I am so scared and so confused. I know that this is not right but I also know there is nothing I can do because I can't tear apart my family. All I need from this board is answers on how to cope with this, how to keep it from tearing me apart inside. I am to the point of real illness and I don't know what to do. I can't tell anyone I know about what is happening to me I just need to learn how to handle it better.
Man that was hard. The end. I know that was hard, but I do not think such inconsiderate behavior should be excused. You are not a "recepticle" to be used for his needs only. I would suggest, since talking to him accomplishes nothing, and leaves you vulnerable at night as he won't "get it" or stop this caveman behavior of just taking what HE wants, to buy a lock for some room in your house and USE it, to keep him out at night (unless he is also violent towards you).
This will protect you in the meantime, then I would start looking for a way out. He may be "wonderful" in the daytime, but he is abusive at night, some men think this is their RIGHT, irregardless of the circumstances, and I suspect things will be going downhill from here and many of those men with this attitude of "rights" no matter what, turn abusive if declined.
I am sure more than one woman has dealt with this idea of "husbands rights" even if it is painful or unacceptible to their wives, so don't feel like it is anything you have done. You are not guilty because he has a "faulty" and selfish thought process. Giving in to this may "keep your husband home" but............soon you won't want him there as he is showing you no respect or consideration, and treating you like his personal "womanbot". No good will come of this. You must draw the line, but be warned any man who does this is usually a man incapable of seeing your side in this.
Many want what they can't have when they want it, and he may see this as a "challenge" that only incites or excites him further. This very thing is often the beginning of abusive behavior from men who cannot take NO for an answer.
You have every right to refuse to be abused and used this way. Start protecting yourself, and I would also stash some money somewhere as some times this only gets worse (for you and kids) all the way around.
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June 7, 2007, 5:56 am PDT
Quote From: alerri Hi, this is my fist time and I am really going to try to just lay this out there for the world to see.
I am a 21 year old wife and mother and I am currently a victim of marital rape. This is the fist I have said this to anyone, and its hard to hear. Please excuse my typing its 2 am in the morining and I dead inside and out.
I have two great boys who love thier Dad and I feel like I can't leave him because they need him everyday. I strive to look like the perfect family and to make my kids feel loved and suported and normal. I can't take thier Daddy away.
He is a great husband in most aspects except sexual aspects. He recently asked his sister-in-law to sleep with him, which is tearing me apart and he rapes me while I am asleep.
It started after our first sone was born 5 years ago. It hurt me very badly to engage in intercourse, so I was not willing to do so very often. After a few months of very little sex I began to wake up to my husband feeling me while I was asleep. Within a year I began waking up naked with him preforming oral sex and now it is to the point of penetration.
I usually woke up in the begining of the process and either ended it or engaged it simply because I felt as though it was my duty as a wife. However after last night I came to the realization that he is a rapist.
I take sleeping pills which do not help the situation and after taking one last night my husband completed the act while I was confused and crying. This episode left me hurt and bleeding. I lyed beside him in the bed sobbing for hours on end and woke up this morning with swollen eyes and a wet pillow. My husband has not said a work to me about it today. I finnally told him he owed me a apology, to let him know I do have recollection of the event. He said nothing but went to sleep on the couch.
I am so scared and so confused. I know that this is not right but I also know there is nothing I can do because I can't tear apart my family. All I need from this board is answers on how to cope with this, how to keep it from tearing me apart inside. I am to the point of real illness and I don't know what to do. I can't tell anyone I know about what is happening to me I just need to learn how to handle it better.
Man that was hard. The end. I want to again assure you, you probably more company in this issue than you realize. Do some reading on the circumstances (illness, childbirth, company in the next room, denials of access at will) All these things in a womans life, that make he "unavailable" or "not in the mood" seems to be a turn on for many men. They don't stop being men, abiet mixed up ones, just because you married them. In fact marriage and birth often brings out the most "animal" like behavior and JEALOUSY that needs affirmation through "forced, or taken sex" in many men.
That of course doesn't mean you have to give in or tolerate any of this and YOU NEVER SHOULD, forget explain it to him, forget humoring him, forget "your rights". He won't see them, is my guess. Take action, he thinks nothing of maritial rape, then you think nothing of a locked door. When this happened to Scarlett O'Hara, in the movies, there was a happy ending with her blissfully happy after the fact. This is not the case in reality, most women are HIGHLY offended at the taking of that which wasn't given freely. If this continues, whether because he won't stop, or you can't or won't make him........I promise you it will "dehumanize" you and him, and no really love or good will come of it.
He is probably being selfish and feeling denied and wants to expidite things for HIS benefit. Don't let him, this is rude an crude and totally disrespectful to you, your body and your right to WANT to make love. It also makes us feel like "any body will do" which is humiliating too boot.
Know it happens, but make sure it isn't in your house if you have to leave somewhere (to mom's or relative or friend) to make sure he understands he cannot just TAKE what you can't or won't give. If you humor him, you will have this "its mine" attitude in your life for a long time and it will SEEP into other areas where he calls the shots and you, well you don't exist anymore.
Trust me been there seen that, and I wish someone would have advised me, how to look out for me. It is common, but not acceptible.
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