Replies to 'Defining Your Authentic Self'

You are not alone.  Many posters have stated the same thing -- they do not remember.  

  

That's why reading the book from front to cover allows you to understand the overall process and you may have to do what I did.  After reading the book and doing the exercises (I didn't do the 10 defining moments, I did 1-3), I gave myself permission to just read the book so I can understand what / where he was taking me.   In my case, I've been doing healing work since 1991 so I have so many different ways of looking at everything. 

  

Once I had finished reading the book, I sat down with the book ,it's WORKBOOK companion and my list of goals that I had been wanting to do for over 20 years.  I decided to do SEWING and began to pay attention to what I was saying to myself.  It was the hardest work I had ever done on me! 

  

Dawn, we have written well-written tapes thta go off when we go to do what's important to us.  Like did you ever say you were going to lose weight, or start exercising, or save money and then find yourself 3 months later unhappy cause the very next morning you just walked away from doing it? 

  

1st:  the 3 months later is your pattern 

2nd: the walking away from doing it are the well written tapes 

  

Self Matters helps you to listen - that is if you commit to focusing on it.  I decided why not!  If it was working for those folks on TV than it might work for me.  The only thing I had never actually done was commit -- I spent months focusing on listening and then remembering.  Sometimes, I never could link to the past.  I just allowed myself to have something surface and I dealt with it.   

  

He teaches you MER which has been the best tool I've ever learned!! 

  

Don't fret that you can't remember -- you'll remember when you begin to peel away the layers that keep you from living your authentic life style. 

 Don't worry too much about memories. Sometimes things come up later, when we are thinking of other things, like trying to remember a trivial fact that pops into your mind hours later. If you can't remember much at all for certain age groups, it may indicate that things were going smoothly at that time in your life.
And then, sometimes memories are repressed. Usually you will get an indication of a repressed memory by the emotions that come up. If you experience anxiety or other strong emotion when trying to think of certain age groups, or a partial memory comes up that brings on difficult emotions, you may need some help. Just remember that whatever it is you are denying and covering up, it's in the past and even though the memory is uncomfortable, you are safe now. Be calm, quiet, and patient with yourself. It may take awhile, but it will eventually come.
And don't get too fixated on exact facts either. Your memory of certain events may not mesh with anothers exact memory. What you are doing is bringing up the memory because it caused a strong feeling or reaction in you.

Dawn, 

  

You will get some of your memories back, in time.  One thing I have learned is we do block things, yet as we become ready, they do unblock.   

  

I had blocked much of my teen years for a long time.  As I worked on me many of those memories came flooding back, often in dreams.  Once I had dreamed them, or of them, the memories were available to me.   

  

It is like anything we have experienced.  We don't ever really forget anything unless there is brain damage.  What happens is we stop recalling it.  It is in your mind, you just need to unlock it.  Start writing.  Write what you do remember, and be patient with yourself in the process.  When it is time, you will recall even more details.  The idea of the exercises is to get you to change the way you are approaching yourself by applying old experiences to devalue yourself.  You don't need details to do this...yet they sure can be helpful.   

  

Relax, allow yourself to experience this process, and don't get hung up...just ask Marcia!  She has shared her experience with us here and I am one person who listened and did not get hung up...which has allowed me to continue to grow instead of still working on chapter 4. 

  

Teri