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August 8, 2005, 4:18 pm PDT
Abusive Husband.....
Quote From: ksg_kagi i just posted a msg and i feel i need to say more. i am feeling so lost right now i dont know maybe i need professional help. i cant seem to get past this empty feeling thats inside of me. i am staying as strong as i can for my kids and i have everything planned out on leaving him but im still scared ive never really been on my own before let alone with two kids. i know that he wont change i cant change him he says he will but he dont. he barley even makes an attempt. at this point ive realized i dont love him and im not sure i ever did. i know he has a heart he's not made of stone. he cried when i told him that i was leaving him and he goes up and down with the whole thing one min he's trying to pls me the next he's making me feel guilty for even suggesting that we get a divorce. he is so good at minipulating me. so if i stay nothing will change if i give into him again it will only get worse. so why am i having doubts. if i leave ill have nothing nothing he makes all the money he bought everything we own. exept the car. but what will he do without a car? ahhh he's home gotta go Wow your situation sounds so dangerous. I was married to a very abusive man more then 10 years ago, that is why I know exactly how you feel right now, you love him, you hate him, you feel sorry for him, and you want to believe him when he says he will change, yet you are dissapointed over and over when he doesn't change; he doesn't even attempt to change. I'll tell you why he isn't going to change, its because he doesn't have to. He has you right where he wants you, he probably doesn't believe that you would really leave, he thinks he has you dependant on him- and he does in a financial way- but it sounds like you have a plan. You have children to think of, you don't want your kids to grow up thinking the way their dad treats their mom is 'normal'...they see you be disrespected and they think thats just the way it is. You've got to stop worrying about him, and start putting yourself and your children first. Who cares what he would do without a car, you and your children are going to be without everything else. You've got to make a clean break, no looking back, no more hoping his lies will be truths. You are so right about not getting right into another relationship, that is very smart of you! You need to be independant, you shouldn't go from one relationship to another. I do urge you to seek counceling, it will help you so much to talk to someone who has heard this same story over and over, and who can guide you towards happiness. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be respected. What you've got to do is start to love and respect yourself, and even though it is going to be very hard to leave, you know its the best thing to do for yourself and the kids. I wish you the best of luck!!
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