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tkebobby

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January 3, 2006, 9:57 am PST

Good Parenting

Quote From: hestin

Today I had a 7 year old girl over for a play date with my 6 year old daughter. They are classmates and have been friends for two years. Today was only the third time this girl was over to our house and my daughter has never been to her house. As I was walking past my daughters room I heard my daughter say “OK but let’s do it quick before my mom catches us.” I opened the door and they both had their pants pulled down with their bottoms in the air. When they saw me the dropped to the floor and sheepishly wiggled back into their pants.

After questioning them it seems they were playing “you show me yours and I’ll show you mine”. The friend told my daughter that if she did not do it she would not be her friend anymore so my daughter did it even though she knew she shouldn’t. So it seems I have two problems.

One is that after extensive research, I cannot find anything that tells a parent what to say to your child about this. It seems we should say something and there are plenty of things NOT to say to avoid the “shameful, self-conscious feelings about natural and healthy interest in their bodies”. Yet it needs to not happen again. We have already had the privacy talks but how far should one go in explaining the why’s without confusing the child or putting ideas in their heads?

The second problem I seem to have is my daughter’s desperate attempt at keeping a friend. Why would she do something she knows is not right to keep a friend and how can I improve her self esteem?

Hopefully there will be some answers for me here.

Your daughter is right around the age where kids really start "exploring" themselves. That being said, this type of behavior is pretty normal. Now, that's not to say that it should continue. But I think we should assume that this was pretty innocent, which makes it a good time to talk about it. You said you've had the privacy talk... what did you talk about (i.e. why your private parts are called just that). I don't think you have anything to worry about regarding this incident, but do talk to her she's getting old enough to heat the truth about her body and it's probably best she hear it from mom over some kid at school.

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