Quote From: gaktstonerWe went to negotiate in June and he said "every other week" with the kids and I said no way, now it's in the judges hands August 25th. You are 110% right, I need to be prepared for a fight and to go to trial. Actually I have known this, maybe that's why I stayed married to the 'dude' for 18 long years. No one was in my bedroom the last 3 years so how do I prove we haven't had sex for 3 years?! Most of the time, no one heard him berate me, call me names, belittle me, etc., it was mostly done in private so how can I prove anything-it's he said, she said. I meet with my lawyer next week before I leave for 3 days in Cape Cod with the kids. My friends are going for the week and have invited the kids and myself. I asked my parents to meet us there. I e-mailed my h 3 times and told him verbally that I wanted to visit the Cape with the kids, if it conflicted with any plans he has. I've heard nothing so my lawyer sent his a letter. My children have never seen the ocean and I LOVE the beach so the three of us are excited! But the closer it gets, the bigger this knawing feeling gets in my stomache. I just want to have 3 peaceful, fun days at the beach with my friends, my parents, and my children. What do you mean "for her and her kids, settling does sound like it's going to be an option"? I feel like I have already 'settled', ya' know what I mean?
OH! Cape Cod ?!? HOW AWESOME, is that? A co-worker and I went to Boston for business and she and I rented a car and drove there and had dinner. What a beautiful place MA is. They've NEVER seen the ocean? How wonderful!!! My hubby is a big beach person / windsurfer -- makes me wonder why he ever made our state his home. My youngest hasn't ever seen the beach either -- we live in the heart of the landlocked South and the only the Arkansas river nearby. One day... we are going to go and I CAN'T WAIT.
YIKES! TYPO! My fingers are always dropping words -- SORRY! For you and your kids, settling does NOT NOT NOT sound like it's going to be an option!!! You have settled way toomuch and way too often and I think that it is time to STOP that bad habit. BRAVO!!
You can't really prove what you don't have witnesses for. What you can do about those things is give PLENTY of examples -- it's why an abuse diary is so helpful. Regardless of whether you have that, you need to give the judge an earful -- in a calm way -- about how he has treated you AND the children. The more specific, the better. Berating, name calling, belittling EXAMPLES. Then you need to ask people (as unbiased and professional as possible) if they can testify on your behalf to how they have seen hubby treat you AND the children. ALSO don't forget about his neglect. To me, it's the neglect that is JUST as huge as his disrespect. I'd make sure I subpoenaed his boss/co-workers to testify about just how often he was at work -- and how he put the ahead of his family forEVER.
If you haven't already, be SURE you take copies of those emails -- or write NEW ONES with a statement to the effect of: "I have written 3 emails regarding this issue and you haven't responded. You have asked that I provide you with information about the children, where we go and what we do and I am trying very hard to do that. It certainly makes it impossible to co-parent our children when I get SILENCE." If you want to be more diplomatic, feel free. Also take any replies to your meeting with your lawyer. Then ask your lawyer if you think it prudent to send those to HIS lawyer, okay? Or send him/them a registered letter. That way, he can't pull anymore of that "I didn't know/you don't include me in any decisions garbage". This will be a wonderful WRITTEN paper trail for how you guys simply CAN NOT maintain joint custody.
If it were me... I wouldn't ask his permission I would just inform him. That ought to get him going and again prove the point you already KNOW to be true, right?!? HA! But I don't shy away from fights so much anymore.
The real key about the trip to the beach is that it will be a GOOD and EDUCATIONAL experience for your kids who have NEVER been. ANY judge would see the benefit in that experience.
I don't think you need to be worried.
Q
