Replies to 'Spanking: Useful or Cruel?'

Quote From: xplay25

I am not a parent.  However,  I have had close relationships with my five neices and nephews since their births.  I have lived with them at times,  and definitely have the inside scoop on the inner workings of a typical western cultured family.  And,  from what I've observed,  it isn't always happy,  and it isn't always sad.  It's taking the good with the bad.  But I believe that the way one disciplines their child is very important to the family unit. 

Spanking has been passed down through three generations of my family,  that I am aware of.  Probably more.  Has it worked?  Never.  The routine is always relative: child is upset because parent wouldn't let him or her watch this show,  or get this thing,  so parent spanks in order to diffuse the situation for immediate results(instead of long lasting).  Now,  this either (A) works immediately based on sheer fear,  or (B),  child screams louder and sticks to his or her guns,  throwing a tantrum,  and throwing inanimate objects.  They are deliberately challenging authority,  which has never gone well in my family.  Mother or father snap,  spank again,  put the kid in their room with no dessert.  What has this solved?  Nothing.  Because the valuable lesson is non existant.  In my experience,  it only causes chaos.

Now,  in no way am I,  or would I claim that spanking doesn't work in it's own ways,  especially since every kid is different and you have to tailor punishment to each specific child.  Sometimes spanking a child works,  and in theory,  this is because they are scared.  But in their mind,  they are a hot volcano of anger and confusion.  The psychology of a child is very complex,  they are at a time in their life,  where a lot of things don't make sense,  and they have to make sense of everything they see.  And sometimes you can send a scrambled message.  By that I mean:

1.  Child cannot comprehend situation based off of it's very limited logic base,  therefore wondering why there is violence being inflicted upon them,  yet their parents love them.  They cannot make sense of this. 

2.  Parent genuinely loves their child,  and is only attempting to love them in the way they were taught,  and many times that is spanking.  They think that they are doing something good,  and again,  that's really dependant on your viewpoint,  it's just subjective.  But the fact remains the same,  that many times this creates an unbalanced child.  This is something I have had the privelige of observing personally.

3.  Child is left,  in many cases deprived of sufficient punishment,  and parent is confused and worn out because they only know what they were taught by their parents.  And maybe that just won't work on this particular kid. 

4.  Sleepless nights,  conflicts,  and confusion ensue.

Do I think spanking is the answer to some situations?  I don't know,  but I don't really think so.  I think there are alternatives,  even with the variation in personalities,  spanking doesn't have to be an option.  But some choose to discipline their children that way,  and that is their lawful right.  I don't agree with spanking,  I think it is cruelty done by those who do not wish cruelty upon their children.  You may mean something in a contrary way,  but it doesn't change the action.  I think society is the overall victim.  I think we are victims of ourselves in many a sense.  We don't know how to handle every situation,  we aren't infallible,  so we just do what we know.  And most folks know spanking.  They may not consider all methods,  like reverse psychology,  and bartering. 

In my personal opinion,  the less conflict in the home,  the better.  No screaming or spanking,  that is the best policy,  I believe.  Because if you scream and hit,  your kids will likely think that's okay.  I've witnessed it a million times.  They don't have the evolved reasoning that they would need to understand the situation.  How are they supposed to understand that when mommy and daddy hit,  it is out of love and best interest,  but when the kids hit other kids,  animals,  or even adults,  it is bad.  How would a four year old piece that together?  I don't know your four year olds,  or your six year olds,  but this has been my experience,  and my accumulated understanding.

You have a right to spank your children,  unless it's illegal in your state or province,  what have you.  I don't know your kid,  maybe it works for you.  But from what I've observed,  it's never been and will never be the answer for the kids I know.  That's just my perspective,  I don't consider it a law or try and impose it on others.  It can be a trivial matter indeed,  honestly I think today's society isn't fully equipped to handle life as it is,  having to raise children,  while beautiful in it's own way,  must be a very heavy load.  And I sympathize with all parents,  I know how it can wear you out.