Replies to 'Divorce Support'

I think that we as mothers as a protective thing get caught up in that... 

you will not feel better after you see her face, that only shows you what she looks like on the outside. My son was 9 when my Ex got a new partner, he liked her. Then I met her and because of my yrs of reading people I saw more than him. My ex said I was upset over nothing that she was good to our son. Then one day she got ahold of a person that we were both friends with and set me up for use to talk one on one. Thats when a found out more about her then I really wanted to know. She is one of those poeple who has no morals,she preceeding to flirt with men in front of me,she even allowed one to touch her breast. Of course the next day I told the ex what I had seen and felt. His reply to the whole thing...HE MARRIED HER. We were all at war for a yr or better. She then started to treat my son bad when his dad was not around, which as you might guess just fueled the fire in me. Now things seem better...I dont fight her anymore...my ex is fully aware of how I feel about her and the whole thing...if she hurts him in anyway she will be visited by the police...no games here. I guess the whole story stems on this....educate your child...then trust them and their feels..reassure them that no matter what she tells you you will never be anger with her...and ask questions when she comes home. Healthy questions like did you have fun at daddys....what did you do with daddy this visit...as she tells about going to the park ask if grandma went to.....something simple...she will tell you if something that you should know about...when you ask if she had fun...you will know how the visit went. Some people may disagree with it but i did that...thats how if found out that in his dad's home he was seeing her hit his dad and dad hitting walls. That explained why his started to hit things in his anger. Now his visit dad via grandmas house mostly. 

You will met her someday for me it was too soon. 

Then i have a friend who would rather talk to her ex's new lady than to him. 

Me i think that it is between him and I. I do let her in on conversations now...but i always tell her that in the end it is up to me and his dad...but I am 4 yrs into this 

I think that you definatly should be moving forward with your life, whether you got a response from him or not, you don't need his permission. Who knows, maybe he isn't responding to that "request" so he can keep you waiting, so he'll have someone to hang out with while he is between other girlfriends...don't let him disrespect you that way. You know that your relationship is too toxic to ever be together and be happy. If he has been with this woman for 8 months, it is safe to say he is serious about her. I know that you probably don't want to hear this, but, if he has been with her for 8 months and he is bringing your child around her, its likely that he wants a future with this woman, otherwise he wouldn't introduce your child to her. Unless he is irresponsible with your child in other ways that you don't mention, its most likely that he feels his girlfriend is a safe and responsible person to be exposing your child to. Who knows, she might be a nice person, a woman who will treat your daughter with kindness, a person who could create a stable environment for your ex and your child? I know that is a difficult scenario to process.  

My exhusband remarried when our daughter was only 2, and I was very protective of her, I was worried about her being around this other woman, etc., but as time went by, I realized that if it wasn't for this woman, my child probably wouldn't even be seeing her father, because she was the one who called to arrange times for her to visit, and even if my daughter was sick, I came to realize that she took good care of her, and it was comforting. I admit I definatly had a hard time at first seeing them together, but I was dating, so why couldn't he? He has been remarried for 12 years now, and I couldn't have picked a better step mother for my daughter. Like the other poster said aboutsomeone she knows, I would rather talk to his wife then him! You've got to find a way to let go, and move forward, because you deserve to be happy.  

This on again off again stuff is no good for anyone involved.  Don't do it any more. 

Jeff Foxworthy says "I need space" is half a sentence.  The other half is "without you in it".  Makes it easier to persue ex girlfriends that you feel obligated to contact at Christmas. 

I think he HAS replied to your email, in actions, if not in words.  You said you wanted to move on and he took you seriously.  The "hurt" will lessen in time.   

I strongly advise that you get over "her" involvement with your daughter unless you think she is dangerous.  Unless Dad cuts daughter out of his life contact is unavoidable and you have no power here.  It would be nice if you could meet her on civil terms, but maybe you are not ready for this yet.