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Replies to '01/05 "Am I Cursed?"'
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January 5, 2006, 10:16 pm PST
 Quote From: charlie75 Thank you for your response. I appreciate your encouragement. More than anything, I would love to know what you know about this disorder. I saw in your profile that you are an RN and work amongst mental health patients. I understand that I have a lot of internal rebuilding to do and it will probably be a life long challenge. I keep pressing forward! :) I am not the type of person to wollow though some times it is challenging. I keep my head up most days and try to forget about where I have come from. I can't always do that though. Couselling is something I agree that would be heaven sent for me. I am not yet in a position to finacially support theraputic help. Sad to admit, but I have seen a pshyciatrist for over a decade. Along with my father. We both suffer from panic and anxiety attacks. We both question if it is due to our enviroment, meaning my mother. Since I have not spoken to my mother in months, I have managed to reduce my dose from 225mg to 75mg. I have not suffered from one panic attack either. There might be some truth to my mother's affect on us. Everyday is a step closer to healing. Though the memories are horrifying at times. Again, thanks for replying. Hello! I just wanted to let you know about something I saw first thing this morning on one of the morning shows. Dr. Laura Schlessinger has a new book out called "Bad Childhood, Good Life." It just came out and I thought of it when I read your messages. I haven't been able to get a hold of this book yet, but I have read a few of her other books and she is usually right on when she talks. At least I think so, she's definitely like Dr. Phil and will tell you what she is thinking and doesn't hold back. Although *side note* on today's show I think he held back a lot more than I have seen before, about "spiritual" things. I think I may post more about that later... But I just wanted to say that we all have bad childhoods in one sense. Something happens that makes us who we are and it is up to us to decide what kind of future we will have. I think that goes along with the topic discussed today. It is up to us to decide what we will do with our lives, how we choose to look at the world, and how to spend our precious moments that we have left to live. For me, all of those questions go hand in hand with my faith, as I am a Christian (I will never hide that), but what has helped me is to know that there is a lot more to life than myself. I definitely found that out when I had my son, but sometimes I think we get into the mentality of thinking about ourselves all the time and thinking about what happened in the past and not letting go of our past hurts. Myself when I was young, it was mostly attacks on myself and not from someone like your mother, but I can speak about forgiveness as I had to forgive myself. Forgiving can do a lot for a person. I think maybe you probably have a lot of soul searching to do before you can get to this point, but it helped me tremendously. And forgiveness is not about just forgeting about it and starting new with a person as I have no belief that you should even be around your mother now. It is a personal thing and not about what the other person can do or what you could do to make things right. Another part of that change in me is my acceptance of Christ into my life, I think it would be hard to tell you what helped me without saying that Him dying for my sins allowed me to see that I had to let go of my past and live in the present, since He has forgiven me. Now I don't know what faith you are or anything about you, I am just letting you know what helped me. And just so you know that I am appalled by how those church members shunded you like that. I know from my past that not every church is the same, as I am now a different denomination from what I grew up in and a leader of my previous church betrayed my trust (although not in such a horrible way as you) but I would suggest trying to go back. You may have to try a few different places until you feel comfortable. But I believe a church home can offer a lot in the way of internal healing. It is nice to be around people that love you and will be there when you need them. Believe me it is possible. I don't know if Dr. Laura's book would help or not, but what's to lose. You may have a lot to gain, you never know! :) Hope all goes well in your journey! Amy :)
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