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Replies to '01/06 No More Excuses With Star Jones'
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January 10, 2006, 11:02 pm PST
 Quote From: dan62301 Blondeb10, Acknowledge and get a grip eh? I chose not to get into detail and still have only touched base on what someone endures going through life that has no one to turn to! You come fill my shoes and then tell me your options in life! For someone like me there were no options! We had no discipline! We had no possitive role models! We had what we made and there were no materials available! We were told if we discussed home life with anyone out side our emmediate family, we would be taken from our mother and never see our brothers again. And before you start talking how I should have spoke to someone secretive about this, point out where I would have learned trust. Again... I've only written a small percentage of what I could but choose to not burden you with too many details as to not disrupt your content life. I am sorry that I hurt your feelings. The funny thing is, that we have a lot in common. My childhood was not as bad, but similar. My mother cheated on my father, and when I would innocently (as any child would) try to tell my Dad that his best friend was in our home, in the bedroom with Mommy, and then in his bathrobe, well, my mother would just tell my Dad that I was stupid. And yes, they would cook steak dinners at night, while my brother and I were lucky if we got hot dogs. Oh the stories that we could share.......My brother was diagnosed as a manic depressant, and addicted to drugs and alcohol. My Dad passed away in 2004, and I have so many regrets...all the cheating that I knew about, and some other things that I have prayed that he can hear me..................So yes, there are a lot of similarities in our childhoods. And my adult life? Well, if it were content, do you think that I would be here posting if that were true? The day that I had responded to your post, I had most likely had a bad day---2 whining teenagers, and one whining baby------well, again I am sorry. I guess that I am just trying so hard to cope with life, and not whine myself.......After I read your other post, I realized that maybe I was the one in denial, and needed to get a grip. I am sad, and cry all the time. I love my husband and children, but just feel like I am not supposed to be where I am right now---and I also believe that it is due to my childhood. I try so hard to be a good mother----you know, the mother that we both wanted as a child, but did not have. But most times I just feel like a failure. I don't have a content life----but feel like I have only myself to blame. I just feel like I need to stop blaming and start taking charge---you know what i mean. There are so many other things that I would like to share, if you want. Maybe between the two of us, we can make some sense of it all? I hope that you accept my apology. Do you feel like nobody else in the world understands you? Yeah, I got that too. Like the walls are closing in around me. Again, I am sorry, and I hope that you respond and maybe we can help each other, even if it is in a small way.
Deb |
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