Replies to '01/06 No More Excuses With Star Jones'

Your show on excuses really touched home with me. ..expecially the woman who wanted to move from her burned-down property because of all of the bad memories.  I am stuck in my situation trying to figure out if I should move out of my memory filled home with my 5 kids in March(that's when my lease is up).  The reason I question moving is due to the bad experience of domestic violence brought upon me from my kids father.  My home is visibly damaged due to his outburst.  Even though he's no longer here I'm stuck staring at the messed up door and mirror that he broke.(There's a huge closet custom made mirror he damaged in my diningroom).  Knowing that I allowed him to treat me crappy for 5 years and it's partly my fault doesn't help either. 

What really hurts is that I just gave birth 8 weeks ago to twins and we're broken up now.  I suspected him of child molestation on one of my twin daughters when I awoke one night to find her pajamas off.  Since I didn't physically see him do anything it was hard for me to accuse him.  But his behavior about it all made me believe that he did do something to her.  He became defensive and nervous even before I accused him of anything.  Then he began to say that I never even dressed her which was a complete lie.  He out of my life now because I have a restraining order against him for past physical abuse.  Still I regret putting up with him for 5 years.  I feel like a victim because I put up with him for so long.  I allowed him to do these things to me because I didn't want to go against him and cause anymore fights.  But my suspicions about him doing something to our daughter cannot be ignored.  Dr. Phil, just how do I move on from feeling like a victim due to my long history of domestic abuse?  How can I picture myself as desireable and not just damaged goods with 5 kids?  I want to be happy for once.  When I was with him, I would forgive him but then he would do the same thing to me to hurt me again and then I would remember the hurt all over again.  He said that's why he left me because I wouldn't forgive him for abusing me.  But when I would he would just abuse me more.  I'm really distressed and confused.  PLEASE HELP ME DR. PHIL! 

Your show on excuses really touched home with me. ..expecially the woman who wanted to move from her burned-down property because of all of the bad memories.  I am stuck in my situation trying to figure out if I should move out of my memory filled home with my 5 kids in March(that's when my lease is up).  The reason I question moving is due to the bad experience of domestic violence brought upon me from my kids father.  My home is visibly damaged due to his outburst.  Even though he's no longer here I'm stuck staring at the messed up door and mirror that he broke.(There's a huge closet custom made mirror he damaged in my diningroom).  Knowing that I allowed him to treat me crappy for 5 years and it's partly my fault doesn't help either. 

What really hurts is that I just gave birth 8 weeks ago to twins and we're broken up now.  I suspected him of child molestation on one of my twin daughters when I awoke one night to find her pajamas off.  Since I didn't physically see him do anything it was hard for me to accuse him.  But his behavior about it all made me believe that he did do something to her.  He became defensive and nervous even before I accused him of anything.  Then he began to say that I never even dressed her which was a complete lie.  He out of my life now because I have a restraining order against him for past physical abuse.  Still I regret putting up with him for 5 years.  I feel like a victim because I put up with him for so long.  I allowed him to do these things to me because I didn't want to go against him and cause anymore fights.  But my suspicions about him doing something to our daughter cannot be ignored.  Dr. Phil, just how do I move on from feeling like a victim due to my long history of domestic abuse?  How can I picture myself as desireable and not just damaged goods with 5 kids?  I want to be happy for once.  When I was with him, I would forgive him but then he would do the same thing to me to hurt me again and then I would remember the hurt all over again.  He said that's why he left me because I wouldn't forgive him for abusing me.  But when I would he would just abuse me more.  I'm really distressed and confused.  PLEASE HELP ME DR. PHIL!