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Replies to '01/05 "Am I Cursed?"'
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January 8, 2006, 10:59 am PST
 Quote From: linda254 Mine is one. She has been diagnosed as paranoid schizophenic, bi-polar. She plays the devote Christian, but does not act Christian-like. My mother is 80 and has been saying that she is ill for 45 years now. Whether true or not, she uses her diagnosis to be a the answer to her selfishness, manipulation, laziness and uncontrolled spending of money. She has had 4 toilets in her house in 20 years, 3 a/c heating units in 20 years. She eats unendingly and abuses laxatives, which cause her to be ill and then complains about being ill constantly. I have told her that anyone as sick as she says she is would have died already.
You are not alone, but you have to get a life in which she is completely absent. I am serious about this. You must not let her know your phone number, not allow her to contact you. You must take control of when you see her and for how long. I hope that you do not live with her, you must have a life of your own where no one knows her or she does not influence anyone in your circle of friends. As my mother does, she probably tells lies about how badly you treat her and lies about other things in her life. By having a life separate from hers, you can rid yourself of the emotional damage she has created. When you find yourself thinking about it, tell yourself to stop it and think of something else. Sorry to others that have written in regards to my situation and I have not yet replied. I have been at work and not online before or after. One reply suggested that I write to my mother a genuine letter expressing myself whole heartedly. It worked for her. I don't think that she understands what I am talking about. My mothers condition does not allow for communication. I have in my niavity written letters upon letters and it didn't pan out like her reconcillation with her mother. When you have a mom that is a narcissist, it is a totally different story. My mother retaliated with accusing me of what I shared with her. She further lied, involved others with her lies, started a scandle, manipulated the entire situation and cut me out of her life. She got my father and brother to ostrisize me as well for they are caught in her web and live under the same roof as her. It is a very complex situation. Her is an example. My last fight with my mother was because she called me a slut that deserved to be raped. When I wrote her a letter regarding that, she then called up her friends and pastors and told them that I took her grandchildren from her and wouldn't allow her to see them. No such thing had happened. No conversations regarding my daughters happened. She had a whole slew of people tending to her broken heart feeding her disease for attention and manipulation. She not only refuses to apoligize, but denies any conversation with me unless I chose to pretend none of it happened and play into her new lies. It is so hard to explain this to people that do not have experiance with this. Another reply was talking about a girl that was really defensive when accused of being a lier and is now in a pshyc ward etc etc. This too is different with a Narcissist. My Narcissistic Mother does not get defensive. Anything she is accused of is regurgitated upon the accuser. My Narcissistic Mother holds herself on a higher plateau and only accuses those of what they accuse her of. She talks with a prophetic tone and forwarns the accuser of their faults and puts them beneath her. As though she is all knowing and we are but pawns in denial of the truths she sees. She is very snubby and cold in her responses. It is difficult to explain. Just know that my Narcissistic Mother, in her mind, is never wrong, but instead being wronged and not honored with the praise and respect she demands to receive. She believes her own fantasies that she creates. Someone else mentioned that they were real sorry to hear about my mother taking to court for grandparent rights. This she has threatened to me, but never has done it to me. She did this to my older sister and yes, she won! Can you believe that? My mother is good at what she does. My sister is court ordered to give her children to my mother every 3rd saturday of the month. It is truely sick what she can accomplish. This is even worse. My mom runs a dayhome. Yeah, believe that! She watches a neighbours children. I have been there and wittnessed her abusiveness upon her kids. The sad thing is that there is little I can do, since the mother does not believe me and feeds right into the palm of my mother's hand by praising how great of a caregiver she is. I have seen my mother put her child into tears within seconds then inforce discipline upon her. Sick I tell you, sick! To the person that I've qouted above, thank you.... you get it! You advice about getting as far from her as possible is a lesson I have recently learned. This is what has encouraged me to start talking about it. Now that I have set myself physically away from her. I do not live with her. I have many times though due to circumstances. I have actually, just months ago, blocked her number to keep her from calling here which she did obsessivley. Not to talk to me, but to my children. She would leave messages upon messages that just made me cringe. I am just newly taking the steps to seperating myself from her. It is hard though. I mean, for example christmas. My father wanted to see my girls. He said that he would be there the whole time. I let my girls go over. I am now thinking that this is not wise to continue. He doesn't have the back bone or courage to stand up to her and therefore.... he is not one to be trusted to protect my children from her. I mean, he never protected me. Thank you so much for affirming that I need to let her go completely. Lately, it is like mourning the loss of family. Not that it was much of one to begin with. I have been trying to come to terms with the choice to let them all go and sevre all communication with all of them for the sake of sanity and protecting my daughters. Again, thanks. Charlie |
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