Quote From: pandasHi,
I was married to a divorced man, he had two daughters. One thing that I did to make the transition easier (we had them every second weekend). I was friendly with their mother. The one thing that I appreciated was once the girls left their house, their mom would not do anything. There was one weekend they came over and it was snowing so I called the girls and told them to bring their snow pants. They forgot them and I told them that they couldn't go out, their mother was there and they turned to her and "mom its not fair" she just told them that I did call them and tell to bring their snow pants so as far as she was concerned she just turned her head and said "I'm not here" you deal with what you did" and then she left. So during the time that we had the girls over, sometimes their mother stayed for dinner, sometimes not. I found that once you put you feelings aside, you can make things a little bit easier for the children. Just remember its not you or your ex that is hurting....ITS THE CHILDREN. You have to find some way to get along for the children's sake....please
Pandas
Pandas,
I admire you! In my case, I am the mother (the ex) with 2 kids. My ex and his wife live out of state, but they are regularly involved in the kids lives. And the one thing I have tried to do is always be friendly with their stepmom. Initially, it was just because I did not want her to take any resentment she may have of me out on the kids. And then, when I saw how relaxed and happy it made the kids to see us getting along, it just became natural. We joke, we laugh, we eat out together, we sit together at the kids sporting events, we have even been thrift store shopping and prom dress shopping together! I buy cards and gifts for the kids to give her for special events. Once when there was a problem with one of the kids, the four of us (me, ex, stepmom and child) sat down and talked it out as a single family unit. Just this past week, when I met their stepmom to exchange the kids after a week long break, I spontaneously gave her a big hug and said "Happy New Year" as I would with any other friend, without even thinking twice about it. She has no biological children of her own, but I truly appreciate the love and devotion she has shown my kids.
So, since Pandas spoke representing the stepmoms, I'm speaking to represent the exes (biological moms). Put your children FIRST, ahead of any hate, bitterness, resentment, whatever you may feel. Your children are innocent victims and they deserve parents and step parents who are looking out for their best interest!!
Robyn
