Replies to '01/06 No More Excuses With Star Jones'

I am an intelligent 31 y/o single mother of 2, I work full-time, go to college full-time and am soley responsible for my 2 sons (6,11).  My problem is with my ex. About a year ago we started seeing each other again after a 2 year separation. But early into our new venture he tells me that he is "confused about what he wants in his life". Mind you this never stopped him from telling me that he loved me or that he only wanted to be with me, but just couldn't give me a relationship or commitment.  So I MADE excuses for him and decided to give us time, afterall we couldn't just fall back into a serious relationship... Then after all of this I discovered that he was seeing me and several other women whom all thought that he was only with them and he was telling them that he loved them too. I was devestated.  And then he see sawed back and forth between me and another woman, finally choosing her. Again I was hurt and agnry and vowed to never speak to him again, but when that relationship failed (1 month later) he wanted to come back into my life, but not as a boyfriend, but just dating me...AGAIN I made excuses,  we can just take our time, all he needs is time, he really loves me and he'll realize it sooner than later. But like the setting of the sun, after some detective work, I found out that he was "dating" a whole new batch of women. I have to tell you without sounding like a complete idiot I saw the signs, and I was expecting it, but without proof I didn't want to belive it.  Again I listented to his exucess that he was still confused and that old habits are hard to break. That he knows that he wants to be a family again, but he is having a hard time changing his ways. Now he is proffessing that he is a changed man and I just don't believe it...I find holes in his lies every which way I turn, but he flipps it on me and makes me feel like I am overreacting. 

Any way my question is this, why is it so hard for me to give him the boot? Why after everything can't I let him go? I know in my heart he is not changed and at this very moment he lied to me about going out with his friends to a bar and I ran into these friends at the movies and now he conviently won't answer his phone. But I digress, after all the lies and deception what is my problem? I make excuses for him and try to play him up for my family. I make excuses like "I know that he really isn't this man" and "I know he loves me and one day he will wake up and realize it".  

Mostly I am frusterated with myself. WHen I finally get the courage to tell him to take a hike, my fear of being alone creeps in and I am stuck. Will anyone ever want me? Where will I ever meet anyone. I am so jealous of him and her (whoever she is) that he has someone while I am sitting alone at home with his children... 

How do I do this? How do I stop excuseing this behavior from myslef and him and get on with my life and throw away the fear? 

I am an intelligent 31 y/o single mother of 2, I work full-time, go to college full-time and am soley responsible for my 2 sons (6,11).  My problem is with my ex. About a year ago we started seeing each other again after a 2 year separation. But early into our new venture he tells me that he is "confused about what he wants in his life". Mind you this never stopped him from telling me that he loved me or that he only wanted to be with me, but just couldn't give me a relationship or commitment.  So I MADE excuses for him and decided to give us time, afterall we couldn't just fall back into a serious relationship... Then after all of this I discovered that he was seeing me and several other women whom all thought that he was only with them and he was telling them that he loved them too. I was devestated.  And then he see sawed back and forth between me and another woman, finally choosing her. Again I was hurt and agnry and vowed to never speak to him again, but when that relationship failed (1 month later) he wanted to come back into my life, but not as a boyfriend, but just dating me...AGAIN I made excuses,  we can just take our time, all he needs is time, he really loves me and he'll realize it sooner than later. But like the setting of the sun, after some detective work, I found out that he was "dating" a whole new batch of women. I have to tell you without sounding like a complete idiot I saw the signs, and I was expecting it, but without proof I didn't want to belive it.  Again I listented to his exucess that he was still confused and that old habits are hard to break. That he knows that he wants to be a family again, but he is having a hard time changing his ways. Now he is proffessing that he is a changed man and I just don't believe it...I find holes in his lies every which way I turn, but he flipps it on me and makes me feel like I am overreacting. 

Any way my question is this, why is it so hard for me to give him the boot? Why after everything can't I let him go? I know in my heart he is not changed and at this very moment he lied to me about going out with his friends to a bar and I ran into these friends at the movies and now he conviently won't answer his phone. But I digress, after all the lies and deception what is my problem? I make excuses for him and try to play him up for my family. I make excuses like "I know that he really isn't this man" and "I know he loves me and one day he will wake up and realize it".  

Mostly I am frusterated with myself. WHen I finally get the courage to tell him to take a hike, my fear of being alone creeps in and I am stuck. Will anyone ever want me? Where will I ever meet anyone. I am so jealous of him and her (whoever she is) that he has someone while I am sitting alone at home with his children... 

How do I do this? How do I stop excuseing this behavior from myslef and him and get on with my life and throw away the fear?