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Replies to '06/19 Pressured Into Marriage'
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January 10, 2006, 11:21 am PST
 Quote From: lesann620 There was a couple on the show, the husband 50 and the wife 29. Dr. Phil mentioned that when they fight it does affect the children in a very negative manner and he talked about how that becomes a part of the children's personality.
I just wanted to say that he is completely correct about how the children feel, they blame themselves. When I was younger my mom and step-dad always fought about money and so it got to the point where I would only ask for things if I absolutely had to. I used to ask my brother when we were kids if we were poor, or if my mother would have to file for bankrupcy after she divorced my step-dad. I was 12. I got a job when I was 14 because I didn't want to be a financial burden to my mother anymore. She would say things like, "It's going to be really tight this month you guys." It would scare me.
I'm 20 years old and in college now. I didn't think that this past had affected me as much as it really did. Earlier in this school year I wasn't making enough money to stay on top of my bills and do the things that I needed to. I didn't have enough money for an oil change when my car was 4,000 miles over and I didn't have the $20 copay to see my doctor. Finally I said something to my parents about my struggles. I cried for a week. It hurt me so much to have to ask for money. All my friends said, "Honey that's what your parents are for. They're supposed to help you in college." But I felt so bad for not being able to take care of myself. I went as long as I possibly could without asking for help and any time I do need help I really do cry for a week. I have this huge sense of guilt for asking my parents for help.
My mom doesn't believe that any of this is that big of a deal. But I'd like to thank Dr. Phil for recognizing that this is an issue that kids do deal with and it does stay with them.
Leslie I think that the couple that had the huge age gap are at different points in the life along with all their other issues. She seems very self centered and selfish and seems like she feels that she should get what she wants because she is young, where he is older and seems more resigned to let her have her way. He needs to stand up to her and she needs to let him step in to help with his children without nagging him to do it. Money seems to be one of the conflicts so, why is she not out working to support all the children SHE seems to need? (And openly says are "her" children, he did participate in making them!!) Those poor kids are going to grow up thinking that all parents fight and leave when the going gets tough, if they really wanted it to work they would make a long term plan, not just short term therapy sessions. An everyday thought should not be "I want a divorce", it shouldn't even thought of at all unless there is a need/desire for one. I can't help but think that when she is done having all the kids she wants, there will be no need to keep him around!! I hope that the kids will also get some kind of long term therapy, because like Leslie stated " it will become a part of the childs personality" Is that the way the mom wants her son to treat his future girlfriend/wife? I hope not!! Sometimes a broken home is better for a child in the long run, they can start to get help and sort their feelings out without the additional conflict of living with fighting parents who openly tell the other they want a divorce!! It might make it easier for the kids if changes were made now ( since they can't go back and stop the whole marriage), let them enjoy their life instead of becoming unhappy children!! |
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