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Replies to 'Childhood Sexual Abuse Support'
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January 10, 2006, 8:40 am PST
 Quote From: ragdoll I actually feel better and will follow through. Now the next tough part. My family is so toxic it would make a dump look like a resort area. How do I protect me? I was blamed for the abuse and accuesed of actually encourageing it. I have yet to figure out how a 3yr old, 9 yr old etc. would be able to do this but never the less I have to endure constant personal attacks and shunning. Making peace and talking this out is not an option with them. If I had my way and I might yet get it., I 'd move. I'm working on a plan to escape my "helpless Nelly" syndrome. The family knows how to crush me and seems to take pleasure in doing so. I have kept my distance. It is actually comforting to learn and accept what cannot be changed but sometimes it is still overwhelming to deal with. I have survived abuse so servere many people would not have been live through. In a sick way it made me a better person. But I still have many of the same issues people in this situation have such as low self esteem, too much of a people pleaser, not true to myself,anger, bitterness and negativeisim. This sounds like a contridiction. There are so many fassetts to a the whole of a person. One thing I do know is that I am a darn good mother (not perfect but good) I hear you and I am somewhat like you. You know yourself that you are not to blame. You know that it is your parents/family that are to blame and they were the ones that screwed up. You did survive throught that hell and you are better than them in so many ways. You did not hurt your kids. They did. Try not to give them the power to make you feel like that little girl over & over. I struggle with this too so I know it's not easy. It is much easier for me to give out advice rather than help myself, but i am slowly trying to make changes too. Have some way to readjust reality when you're in contact with them. I mean remind yourself that they can try to crush you, but expect that from the start and be prepared. You know this is the way they operate and you know that they are wrong. Is there something that you can do remind yourself that you are the good one and the strong one? Avoidance is good too. We all have to accept and believe that the abuse was not our fault. The adult had the power and control and should have known better. Stop trying to change your family and put more energy into other positive human relationships. I have to take my own advice too. :) |
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