Replies to 'Cheated On'

I was married for 18 1/2 and we had 3 beautiful children, when he came home one night, took me to a nice new restuarant to tell me that he didn't think he wanted to be married anymore. He had been seeing my friend for at least 6 months.  She had no children of her own but walked out on her 

husband to be with mine.  My husband had always turned away from his friends who were cheating on their wives because he felt so strongly about how wrong it was for all involved.  And then there he stood with his lame excuses for doing the same thing.  My children were 17, 13, and 8.  I made him tell each one of them seperately why he was leaving.  On several occassions I had to pick up my daughter after she would collapse on the floor crying, begging me to tell her why. I had no answers, for her or myself. The 8 year old kept asking if we were going to get a new daddy.  This was in October of 1996. He came back home after Christmas apologizing profusely to all of us and promising he would do what ever it took to make it up to us.  And then he walked out again on New Years Eve.  That was going on 10 years ago and there is not a day that I don't think about it. My son to this day is still angry with me over a divorce I had no choice in. I miss my best friend, we could always laugh and talk about anything. We loved our kids and loved to travel or just hang out.  Well, they too got married and have a 5 year old.  I have also remarried and have another little girl.  And now things are not going well again, and I can't help thinking that if my first husband had not walked out on us, I wouldn't be hurting so much now. I always thought at this stage of my life, I would be rocking grandbabies and laying on the beach drinking Margaritas.  I hope time brings you peace. But, the one thing I learned last time with the help of my current husband and that I have to tell myself everyday again, is that this has nothing to do with you!  This is their "bad". I never cheated, I very rarely said no when he wanted sex, I kept a beautiful home and took care of our family while he worked, travelled on business every week and then came home and played his sports.  I was always there for when he needed me and he still left.  This is their character flaw and not ours. So its time for us to pull up our boot straps, hold our heads high and know that we did our best.