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Replies to '03/23 Nasty Custody Battles'
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January 11, 2006, 4:29 pm PST
 Quote From: melissa10 I am currently in a custody battle similar to almost every custody battle out there. Of course there different situations, however my main question is?
WHY DO FATHER’S INSIST ON PUTTING THEIR CHILD THROUGH SUCH HEARTACHE JUST TO GET OUT OF CHILD SUPPORT?
I have been going through my custody battle since June 2004. Still unresolved why, because my ex insist if he gets more visiting time he will not need to submit any child support. Honestly, there is nothing intellectual he can provide for my innocent 3-year old daughter. She is being torn between her father and me. She continually is hearing negative comments about her mother and her doings. Why because how low her father is and he does not want to financially support her. I am now a single mother that sometimes regrets leaving him, but what if I didn’t would the relationship turned violent. But now he always has more money then me and takes my daughter to place like Chucky Cheese. And then she returns home saying “Daddy, said you will take me to Chucky Cheese,” will you mommy? Then I am left with putting her down saying “Mommy doesn’t have any money right now.” Well guess who is the bad guy, I am. All because most men (notice I said most men) only want visitation with their child due to child support. The courts are putting us through this and he is currently over $4,000.00 behind in child support payments.
My ex has done several things to me, he has made me lose several babysitters, and he will call them and threaten to kill. It freaks my babysitters out so much they quit on me. He continually follows me and my daughter, and he lies non stop on me accusing me of abusing my child. I don’t smack or even yell at my child. She hardly even goes to time out. He has called Children Services on me several times, which of course, I am a total neat freak my house is complete spotless. Always spells like fresh flowers and room deodorant. But yet we are in court fighting on why he needs more visitations.
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? SOMEONE PLEASE HELP.
I am so tired of people generalizing that Dad's do not want to be in their kids' lives, and if they do try.. they get deemed to be doing it only to get out of paying child support. You just don't hear about the good dad's that visit their kids regularly, take an active role in their lives, and pay their child support because nobody is complaining about those dads. I think there are a lot of moms out there that keep their kids from visiting their dads more often so they can get as much child support as they possibly can. I am a mom, and I hear moms at the park and gym openly talking about this, so I know it is true!! I just sit there and listen to women giving each other advice on how to get more child support! It's just sick and wrong, the same as any dad's trying to get out of paying it. But if there are going to be complaints, then the whole story should be told! |
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January 22, 2006, 6:49 pm PST
Quote From: melissa10 I am currently in a custody battle similar to almost every custody battle out there. Of course there different situations, however my main question is?
WHY DO FATHER’S INSIST ON PUTTING THEIR CHILD THROUGH SUCH HEARTACHE JUST TO GET OUT OF CHILD SUPPORT?
I have been going through my custody battle since June 2004. Still unresolved why, because my ex insist if he gets more visiting time he will not need to submit any child support. Honestly, there is nothing intellectual he can provide for my innocent 3-year old daughter. She is being torn between her father and me. She continually is hearing negative comments about her mother and her doings. Why because how low her father is and he does not want to financially support her. I am now a single mother that sometimes regrets leaving him, but what if I didn’t would the relationship turned violent. But now he always has more money then me and takes my daughter to place like Chucky Cheese. And then she returns home saying “Daddy, said you will take me to Chucky Cheese,” will you mommy? Then I am left with putting her down saying “Mommy doesn’t have any money right now.” Well guess who is the bad guy, I am. All because most men (notice I said most men) only want visitation with their child due to child support. The courts are putting us through this and he is currently over $4,000.00 behind in child support payments.
My ex has done several things to me, he has made me lose several babysitters, and he will call them and threaten to kill. It freaks my babysitters out so much they quit on me. He continually follows me and my daughter, and he lies non stop on me accusing me of abusing my child. I don’t smack or even yell at my child. She hardly even goes to time out. He has called Children Services on me several times, which of course, I am a total neat freak my house is complete spotless. Always spells like fresh flowers and room deodorant. But yet we are in court fighting on why he needs more visitations.
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? SOMEONE PLEASE HELP.
Melissa, can I get your email address? |
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January 23, 2006, 7:14 am PST
Quote From: melissa10 I am currently in a custody battle similar to almost every custody battle out there. Of course there different situations, however my main question is?
WHY DO FATHER’S INSIST ON PUTTING THEIR CHILD THROUGH SUCH HEARTACHE JUST TO GET OUT OF CHILD SUPPORT?
I have been going through my custody battle since June 2004. Still unresolved why, because my ex insist if he gets more visiting time he will not need to submit any child support. Honestly, there is nothing intellectual he can provide for my innocent 3-year old daughter. She is being torn between her father and me. She continually is hearing negative comments about her mother and her doings. Why because how low her father is and he does not want to financially support her. I am now a single mother that sometimes regrets leaving him, but what if I didn’t would the relationship turned violent. But now he always has more money then me and takes my daughter to place like Chucky Cheese. And then she returns home saying “Daddy, said you will take me to Chucky Cheese,” will you mommy? Then I am left with putting her down saying “Mommy doesn’t have any money right now.” Well guess who is the bad guy, I am. All because most men (notice I said most men) only want visitation with their child due to child support. The courts are putting us through this and he is currently over $4,000.00 behind in child support payments.
My ex has done several things to me, he has made me lose several babysitters, and he will call them and threaten to kill. It freaks my babysitters out so much they quit on me. He continually follows me and my daughter, and he lies non stop on me accusing me of abusing my child. I don’t smack or even yell at my child. She hardly even goes to time out. He has called Children Services on me several times, which of course, I am a total neat freak my house is complete spotless. Always spells like fresh flowers and room deodorant. But yet we are in court fighting on why he needs more visitations.
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? SOMEONE PLEASE HELP.
Ok, so you want money for the time that the child is not with you? I am not saying that you are not entitled, but it is not fair for the father to be poor just because you have custody. If he has equal time, why should he give you anything???? Child support is there to help the custodial parent provide things like clothes, food, and shelter, not so you can take your child to Chucky Cheese. If that is what you want to do, get a second job if you can't afford it. How can he afford to spend time with his daughter and provide her with things if you are taking all of his money? I am a single mother who's child's father does not see his daughter nor does he pay support. He has money, however, to buy his fiance jewlery and is planning a big wedding with her. He has a nice big house on a lake. This has been going on with him for almost 13 years! I am engadged to a man who pays $1050.00 a month for child support to a woman who does not allow him to see his children at all!!!!! We aren't even planning a wedding because we just can't afford it! How is all of this fair? It isn't! I am so tired of hearing how women cry that their ex has more money than them because they don't want to pay a bloated amount of child support. My order for child support is pathetic but it is fair. I can't even get what is fair! I am sure he feels that the situation isn't fair to him either. Can you put yourself in his shoes and look at things from a different perspective? My ex used to take our daughter on vacation every year. To California, Florida, Disney, name it. I haven't gone on vacation since she was born! Do I blame him? No, I need to save my money so I can go. Can I save my money, no, why? Because, it is ok for him not to pay his support but not ok for my finace to not pay his. Do you see that something is wrong? I hope so. The system is very unjust and needs to be fixed NOW!!!!
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January 23, 2006, 9:29 am PST
Quote From: melissa10 I am currently in a custody battle similar to almost every custody battle out there. Of course there different situations, however my main question is?
WHY DO FATHER’S INSIST ON PUTTING THEIR CHILD THROUGH SUCH HEARTACHE JUST TO GET OUT OF CHILD SUPPORT?
I have been going through my custody battle since June 2004. Still unresolved why, because my ex insist if he gets more visiting time he will not need to submit any child support. Honestly, there is nothing intellectual he can provide for my innocent 3-year old daughter. She is being torn between her father and me. She continually is hearing negative comments about her mother and her doings. Why because how low her father is and he does not want to financially support her. I am now a single mother that sometimes regrets leaving him, but what if I didn’t would the relationship turned violent. But now he always has more money then me and takes my daughter to place like Chucky Cheese. And then she returns home saying “Daddy, said you will take me to Chucky Cheese,” will you mommy? Then I am left with putting her down saying “Mommy doesn’t have any money right now.” Well guess who is the bad guy, I am. All because most men (notice I said most men) only want visitation with their child due to child support. The courts are putting us through this and he is currently over $4,000.00 behind in child support payments.
My ex has done several things to me, he has made me lose several babysitters, and he will call them and threaten to kill. It freaks my babysitters out so much they quit on me. He continually follows me and my daughter, and he lies non stop on me accusing me of abusing my child. I don’t smack or even yell at my child. She hardly even goes to time out. He has called Children Services on me several times, which of course, I am a total neat freak my house is complete spotless. Always spells like fresh flowers and room deodorant. But yet we are in court fighting on why he needs more visitations.
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? SOMEONE PLEASE HELP.
But yet we are in court fighting on why he needs more visitations.
It takes two people to fight. The "tearing" and negativity comes from the court battle. Why are you resisting his request for more time with your child?
Honestly, there is nothing intellectual he can provide for my innocent 3-year old daughter.
You are wrong. Daughters with a strong, healthy relationship with their father statistically do better in school, are more likely to complete school and are less likely to have a teen pregnancy. You need to adjust your attitude towards your daughter's relationship with her father. It is more important, especially in the primary years, than you seem to be aware. |
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January 23, 2006, 11:49 am PST
Quote From: melissa10 I am currently in a custody battle similar to almost every custody battle out there. Of course there different situations, however my main question is?
WHY DO FATHER’S INSIST ON PUTTING THEIR CHILD THROUGH SUCH HEARTACHE JUST TO GET OUT OF CHILD SUPPORT?
I have been going through my custody battle since June 2004. Still unresolved why, because my ex insist if he gets more visiting time he will not need to submit any child support. Honestly, there is nothing intellectual he can provide for my innocent 3-year old daughter. She is being torn between her father and me. She continually is hearing negative comments about her mother and her doings. Why because how low her father is and he does not want to financially support her. I am now a single mother that sometimes regrets leaving him, but what if I didn’t would the relationship turned violent. But now he always has more money then me and takes my daughter to place like Chucky Cheese. And then she returns home saying “Daddy, said you will take me to Chucky Cheese,” will you mommy? Then I am left with putting her down saying “Mommy doesn’t have any money right now.” Well guess who is the bad guy, I am. All because most men (notice I said most men) only want visitation with their child due to child support. The courts are putting us through this and he is currently over $4,000.00 behind in child support payments.
My ex has done several things to me, he has made me lose several babysitters, and he will call them and threaten to kill. It freaks my babysitters out so much they quit on me. He continually follows me and my daughter, and he lies non stop on me accusing me of abusing my child. I don’t smack or even yell at my child. She hardly even goes to time out. He has called Children Services on me several times, which of course, I am a total neat freak my house is complete spotless. Always spells like fresh flowers and room deodorant. But yet we are in court fighting on why he needs more visitations.
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? SOMEONE PLEASE HELP.
I feel for you , I can really understand how hard this must be. Fathers need to realize that they by and large have " nothing intellectual to add for the kids". If men could only realize how hurtful it is for them to not just send the cheque every month. Men need to "get it" and realize that if you are good DNA women may need to reproduce with you, but once the child is on the ground it is the womans ideas on child rearing that need to be followed. There is no point in trying to change her becase she will instantly become frightened if you communicate anything other than abject praise. Anything less than total agreement with her ideas really has to be seen as abusive. If men would only submit to the custody, visitation and support requirements that women have we could end all the fighting.
Women need to be sure that the solution to not affording chucky cheese is not getting a job.. it is a bigger chunk of his income, after all once you kick him to the curb you need to be sure that he cant afford to have the family he wanted with someone else.. just because you got rid of him does not give him permission to have an intact family with any one else.. and he needs to know that.
Keep fighting .. because if you dont keep fighting he may never see that doing everything your way will solve the problem |
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