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Replies to '07/04 Old Flames'
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January 13, 2006, 3:46 pm PST
 Quote From: dixiebrit Your husband has done what mine did, quite innocently. Most guys do want you to meet their friends, just as you would want him to meet many of yours. However, when it comes to the exes and unrequited unfulfilled flames, you really have to watch things. Go by your own radar, honey. Women know women, and most guys just don't get it. My own DH just doesn't believe that women are conniving, probably because he really never had that much experience with girls before we got married. He was painfully shy during his teens and, by the time he developed a full-blown crush on someone, it was someone who could not commit to one person because she is an attention fiend and has to have all the male attention she can get, plus she wants big, strong, rich, social-climbing opportunities in her men, so my DH didn't qualify. Still, these women aren't clinging to the past for help -- they want to keep as many guys on the string as they can because it gives them a sense of personal power. They love being able to get any of their friends' hubbies or boyfriends to pay more attention to them than they do their own wives/girlfriends. They also are unfair to their own partners and expect them to roll over and play dead while they pull this stuff. Of course, this "helpless female" (my eye!) can depend on herself, her boyfriend, her family, but the key is she wants to get YOUR guy to do something for her to prove her worth. Tell him that she is OUT now that you are married and she is with someone else. He made his vows to you -- not her. He needs to grow a backbone. YES, protect yourself. Decide what it is you want out of this relationship and then fight for it!
Thanks dixiebrit, I appreciate your view on this. I do need to decide what I want out of this relationship and I'm not sure of what that is yet. I know I want what is best and that is to be happy and in love. He's told me that he loves me but in recently weeks since I've decided on my own to face this "gal friend" of his and get some closure from her. He's told me he said, "it's over and it's not important" that I meet this gal friend of his. She's got a bf but still she wants to keep my hubby as a "go to" when she needs something when she needs to depend on her bf or other people besides my husband. She doesn't call all the time just when she needs something, why? That's something I will never know. I know that this gal maybe grew up with older kids back then. My husband is 8 years older then her and she's 2 years younger then me. My husband as told me that he even dated back then one of her gfs and it didn't bother her but apparently her gfs ( 2 of them ) got into a fight over him then. Gees, makes you wonder why did they even did what they did back then if they didn't date you know but had that "when convenient affair ". A 20 year friendship these 2 people have. I am a bit leary so am I right to feel this way though? Husband thinks it's because of my past experiences but who knows maybe I am right or feeling something is not right about how my husband feels that everyone in his past and future are all in one category including me here. That is what he tells me. Right now I'm just leaning back til he decides if our marriage is worth keeping and holding on to or should we go our seperate ways. I love him and he knows how I feel about all this so it's up to him to either except me for the way I am on this or let me go. I need answers from him but I'm going to try this gal friend and see what she as to say about their "sexual history affair" and what kind of friendship they cling to. If anyone can help I'd appreciate their views on this kind of situation. |
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