Replies to '03/23 Nasty Custody Battles'

You had originally stated that every case was different, yet you totally generalized all dad's into your question.  You are upset, and probably with very good right, at your ex and what he is doing to get out of support.  I am not saying that there aren't dad's out there trying to get out of paying more child support (or any at all!)  But, in fact, it does happen that women can and do affect how much child support they get.  The women I said I have heard in various places giving "tips" to other moms in similar situations gave such advice as: having friends be the "caregiver" of the children so they can claim higher child care expenses.  This even happened to someone I know.  The mother had claimed she was putting out over $600 in child care expenses for her 2 children in elementary school.  In fact, she was getting state assistance for child care expenses, and when asked to provide proof of how much she did pay out, it turned out she was paying less than $100 a month for her sister to watch the kids and nobody was actually watching the kids (they were latch-key kids.)  Do you know how much that affected the child support outcome??  Once the real figures were put in, the original child support amount came down $400 per month.  I was not trying to offend you, but I did have a hard time with your complaining about Dads in general, when there are moms out there that work the system too.  (and I'm not saying you are doing that!) 

To answer your question, "what is a father too [me]?"  In a divorced couple where a mother has custody and the father does not... I would say a father's role is to be in his kid's lives as much as possible; to make the most of the time he does have with his kids; to show his kids love, not just tell them; to work with the mom to have open communication about what is going on in the kids lives.