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Replies to 'Addiction Support'
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January 13, 2006, 11:57 am PST
 Quote From: antonia85 I have recently turned 20 and have ended a 2 year relationship, as my partner had developed an addiction to Crystal Meth. Our relationship was quite strong, until I went for a holiday to Europe where my mother was living at the time. I was only gone a month, however when I returned home I found my partner constantly using. The drug was no longer a party excuse or an experiment. When I would ask him why he would need to use, he would say that he was constantly tired from work and needed it to keep him awake. His behaviour changed dramatically, and eventually I found he was selling as well because he could no longer afford it himself. Coming from home one day I found he had stolen all my birthday and anniversay gifts he had given me over the past two years. After a month of trying to get him help, I eventually gave up and entered deep depression. I found myself throwing things around the house, and not being able to get up in the morning for work. I had almost lost my job and ended my studies because I no longer had a will for anything. It has been almost 5 months with him. I cannot believe I have lost someone so special, someone I thought I could spend the rest of my life with to a drug. The person who sincerely adored me turned into a person I did not know. The problem I am facing now is that he has started to call again, wanting me back into his life. I am finding it hard to avoid him, mostly because I know that deep down I still love him. I don't know what to do... Believe me, I can understand what you are going through. I wish you all the best and hope you find the strength within yourself. Know that he has not chosen the substance over you, he simply has developed a habit he can't break out of. First, please give yourself a huge pat on the back for having the courage to separate yourself from his addiction. All you have to do is read through the posts in this forum to see how rare and special that is. In fact, I'd guess most people look back and wish they had had the strength to do what you've done.
As for what happens next, everything you are experiencing, including the depression, is normal. What you need is a support group to help you deal with the anger, grief, frustration, guilt, etc...and that's why you definitely need Narcanon (or, if that isn't available, Al Anon). If you've tried explaining your situation to friends who haven't gone through this, you'll see what I mean about them not always getting the complex emotions co-dependancy can cause.
You'll also get some good advice about letting him back in your life. Personally, I wouldn't ever tell someone categorically "NO DON'T DO IT!!". But I would very definitely urge extreme caution.
You've already proven you can do the hard part (setting boundaries) so you'd have to do this again if he wants to be part of your life. For starters, I'd set Boundary Number One: You wouldn't even consider it unless and until he's in some sort of treatment program, including NA. And then, once he's proven that he's working on a solid recovery program, you set your other no-tolerance boundaries and you stick to them. If they're not non-negotiable, they're not boundaries, and anyone who invites an addict to share their life with no boundaries attached is literally begging for trouble.
I do hope you seriously consider a support group. It's a gift you can give yourself and you'll be amazed, both at how much you learn and how much help you'll get. |
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