Replies to 'Childhood Sexual Abuse Support'

Quote From: ragdoll

I have the same trust issues. They nearly ruined my marriage but fortuanately for me my hubby is determined to stick with come what may till death do us part. Recently, he recommited his love to me. Persoanlly, I do not think this is crazy. I feel that it is our own natural tendancy to want to avoid pain, it is natural to want to protect yourself. Sometimes I get angry becaue I want to go back in time and defend the helpless little girl that I was and to put people in thier place, to fight to my own death if neccessary.  It is that feeling that I will not allow myself to ever be a victum again. It gets worse when at times I do still feel like a victum, even helpless like the little girl I was. I still cannont understand why this happened and honestly I am not sure I want to . I cannot relate to anyone who could do such a thing to a person then blame the victum. Worse how family can cover it up pretend it didn't happen and blame the victum.  I still have issues due to constant attacks from family members. The anger just rises up in me sometimes. But being able to recognize my issues allows me to plan , to think things through, to prepare myself to react in a way that will not leave me the victum or lash out to someone who does or does not dersrve it.  At least maby react in a non distructive way. One trigger is being attacked for my parenting skills by someone who is clueless. I have worked extensively with that. I know I am a darn good mother.  Maby things don't  always work out as I plan but I tell myself that that is ok because I am alive, growing and learning.  Since you reconginze the issue the good news is that you can work on it. You are not alone I constantly need reassurance and it wears me out as well as those around me. I am working on building self confidence and overcoming insecurity. You know it is not easy. Journaling has helped me. At frist writing things down was hard. I did not want anyone to find it and read it. Thankfully, there are online diaries like the ones here. They can be made private or public. You can delete or keep it to read and reflect on later. I have one word of caution. If you use Dr P's diary be sure and copy to paste after you edit and before you post your entlry because I have had problems with everything I type being deleted somehow. This way I can simply paste if I have a problem then post it.

Quote From: ragdoll

I have the same trust issues. They nearly ruined my marriage but fortuanately for me my hubby is determined to stick with come what may till death do us part. Recently, he recommited his love to me. Persoanlly, I do not think this is crazy. I feel that it is our own natural tendancy to want to avoid pain, it is natural to want to protect yourself. Sometimes I get angry becaue I want to go back in time and defend the helpless little girl that I was and to put people in thier place, to fight to my own death if neccessary.  It is that feeling that I will not allow myself to ever be a victum again. It gets worse when at times I do still feel like a victum, even helpless like the little girl I was. I still cannont understand why this happened and honestly I am not sure I want to . I cannot relate to anyone who could do such a thing to a person then blame the victum. Worse how family can cover it up pretend it didn't happen and blame the victum.  I still have issues due to constant attacks from family members. The anger just rises up in me sometimes. But being able to recognize my issues allows me to plan , to think things through, to prepare myself to react in a way that will not leave me the victum or lash out to someone who does or does not dersrve it.  At least maby react in a non distructive way. One trigger is being attacked for my parenting skills by someone who is clueless. I have worked extensively with that. I know I am a darn good mother.  Maby things don't  always work out as I plan but I tell myself that that is ok because I am alive, growing and learning.  Since you reconginze the issue the good news is that you can work on it. You are not alone I constantly need reassurance and it wears me out as well as those around me. I am working on building self confidence and overcoming insecurity. You know it is not easy. Journaling has helped me. At frist writing things down was hard. I did not want anyone to find it and read it. Thankfully, there are online diaries like the ones here. They can be made private or public. You can delete or keep it to read and reflect on later. I have one word of caution. If you use Dr P's diary be sure and copy to paste after you edit and before you post your entlry because I have had problems with everything I type being deleted somehow. This way I can simply paste if I have a problem then post it.