Replies to 'Good Parenting'

when you and him are alone together, try talking to him about this and if you get the same response as usual which you probably will, just tell him, that you are only one person and you are going to make a list of everything that needs to be done and as you get them done you are going to cross them out, make sure that he knows that things will be prioritized from imporant to not imporant, and other then taking care of the kids, your shift is from 8-5 and what ever does not get done will be put off til the next day or when you can get to it.......Make sure that you have prepared meals already in the freezer (I freeze all left overs), or make it a priority to cook the meal a head of time, before 5. And anything that you do not get done, otehr then taking care of the kids, leave it, do not touch it. and when he asks for something, maybe a clean shirt, or whatever, remind him that your shift is over....No, he may not like it but maybe if you atick to it, he will get the hint. maybe after a couple weeks or so, you can try talking to him again but don't be manipulated. parenting and taking care of a home is 24/7 and if he isn't willing to pitch in some then, make things easier on your self........Though my hubby is good with our kids and all, there has been times when I have had to remind him that he is a part of this family as well and since it took two of us to make these babies, it is going to take two of us to take care of them, I do not hesitate to let my hubby know that I am going out for a bit, sometimes I got o the store, sometimes out with a friend, what ever, I make sure that the kids are well taken care of, And I say " I am going out for a bit, you need to take care of the girls" and I am out the door. Luckily this works for me, he doesn't mind, but you need to make sure that you are getting a break and time to your self and if he complains then get some one to come over and watch the kids for an hour or so and leave. ANd when he says something, just remind him that he doesn't feel that he has to help so you took it on your self to not bother him. Remember, we teach people how to treat us and even if he doesn't change, at least he will know that you are not happy with him and you are not going to let him manipulte you.........As far as your kids go, you can teach them to love and respect others and remind them that there is only 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week and that a marriage is about two people loving and caring for each other that they will eventually have to decide onhow they are going to treat their spouse, I think if you do some of these things that I suggested and I am sure you will get more suggestions, your kids will see that and learn from that as well. Actions speak louder then words.

 Whatever you do to deal with this ... and I agree totally that you need to change things ... just be careful that it doesn't come between the kids and their dad. Remember, he is only doing what he has been taught all his life (not saying he can't change & he should). My sister does that thing where she sends the kids to ask their dad leading questions. All it does is undermine their relationship with their dad, and gives them the feeling that they have caused the argument that follows.

If your son is asking why his dad doesn't help, that shows that he knows this is something that bugs you. He's heard the arguments or whatever. Kids will just accept it as 'the way things are' otherwise. Maybe your husband's mother never complained about it, so he grew up thinking it was normal and fine? Hopefully, your son will grow up saying "I don't want my wife to feel that way".

I think that jettav's idea of knocking off at 5 and putting your feet up is a good one. You might need to take a 2 hr lunch and finish later to get the littlest one into bed without chaos, but definitely make the point that you will only do 8 hrs of work and anything left over doesn't get done. Just like a business, if there is too much work for one person, your husband might have to hire you an assistant LOL. Don't forget to take your day off, too. If it doesn't work & he insists it's 'women's work', I'd just focus on training the kids to help out. At least you'll change the next generation.