Replies to '08/09 Ask Dr. Phil and Robin'

I'm going through much the same thing as Robin and my life is about full to bursting. 

  

I'm a freelance writer and have had articles published in national books and magazines, I'm a content writer for 17 websites and a small business owner so I work about 23 hours a day. I'm an active board member on 2 community boards and as a former politician, I seem to always be at some dinner or award night. I've never had a year since I had children that I haven't taken at least 1 college course and my husband and I have a pretty awesome relationship. We were married for 7 years before we had children so we had the blessing of having a fully formed relationship before we turned into parents and I know not having our 2 boys at home won't cause a problem in our relationship. 

  

I don't have a hobby but only because I have no time to pass *lol*  

  

I structured my life so I could be a stay home mom. My business allows me to work around all the things we do together and I'd rather be at a school play than a dinner but my life as a separate adult is rich, it's just that my life as a mom and wife is richer. I doubt I'd be such a good mom if I wasn't a happy woman and I'll be a happy woman after both my boys go off to college but it doesn't make the transition and the letting go any easier.  

I'm going through much the same thing as Robin and my life is about full to bursting. 

  

I'm a freelance writer and have had articles published in national books and magazines, I'm a content writer for 17 websites and a small business owner so I work about 23 hours a day. I'm an active board member on 2 community boards and as a former politician, I seem to always be at some dinner or award night. I've never had a year since I had children that I haven't taken at least 1 college course and my husband and I have a pretty awesome relationship. We were married for 7 years before we had children so we had the blessing of having a fully formed relationship before we turned into parents and I know not having our 2 boys at home won't cause a problem in our relationship. 

  

I don't have a hobby but only because I have no time to pass *lol*  

  

I structured my life so I could be a stay home mom. My business allows me to work around all the things we do together and I'd rather be at a school play than a dinner but my life as a separate adult is rich, it's just that my life as a mom and wife is richer. I doubt I'd be such a good mom if I wasn't a happy woman and I'll be a happy woman after both my boys go off to college but it doesn't make the transition and the letting go any easier.  

I don't think it's possible that Robin invested too much of herself in her kids....#1 Dr. Phil would probably have gently guided her away from that, and #2 I don't think there's much credence in "too much time" or "to big an investment" when it comes to your kids.  Too many families have, for the past 2 or 3 decades, been too willing to give up their parenting duties/skills to teachers at school. After all, "that's what teachers are trained for".  B.S.  Teachers are trained to teach, not to parent all the children of everyone else.  And if parents are not willing or able to invest a lot of themselves and their time in the children they give birth to, they should probably have been on better birth control.  Having children irresponsibly is as bad as parenting irresponsibly. 

  

While I raised my kids for 18 years by myself (and ex-hubby did not even contribute support money), many of my friends, most of whom parented in two-parent homes, told me constantly that I was too overprotective of my kids, that I was too strict, I didn't give them enough space to grow or grow up.  More B.S.  Out of about 8 families that I was close to in the neighborhood, my kids were the only ones who never spent a night in juvenile hall, never acquired a police record, graduated on time, learned to drive a stick-shift, paid their own auto insurance (or didn't drive...their choice), never even got a traffic ticket and are now in their mid-thirties.  They are excellent, responsible, mature adults.  They are also very grateful that I raised them the way I did, and they tell me several times each year how thankful they are that I didn't pay attention to them or the other people.  I went from being the "meanest mom in the whole world" for several years, to being the wisest, smartest, most gifted parent ever made. That is, according to my kids now. 

  

So, leave Robin alone.  She'll do fine.  She has other things to do, and will do them when she has free time.  And yes, she, like me, will continue to worry about the kids, even into their 30's; because that's what MOMs do.  

  

I think Robin is too smart to become miserable. It looks to me like she has been a great mom to her boys and will continue to do so even though they are both out of the house, Sure she will miss having her son there, and may even feel a void, what good parent wouldn't? but I believe she will invest her time and energy wisely. My children are still young, so I have a long while before I have to worry about them leaving home but as a stay at home mom myself, I believe investing my time and energy in my chidlren is the greatest thing I can do at this point, they are my children (and hubbys) and it is up to us as parents to make sure they are taken care of properly and when they are ready to get out on their own they will be well prepared. certainly not gonna let the "world" prepare them! I think Robin will not only find time to care for her boys even at this stage of life, she will also find other things in life to fill her time, she is quite an interesitng person I think. I have confidence in Robin that she will use her time wisely, maybe more time to invest in herself and hubby? She will still have a life, I am sure.

in her children.  As the mother of two myself, and with one off at college, I don't think it is a sign of losing oneself to their kids if a mother stills cries at the thought of one of them leaving.  It is merely and purely a sign of total love and devotion that a mother feels for her children....and the imminent loss of control over their future lives, which, once we become accustomed to them being gone, becomes more and more natural as time goes on.  It just hurts a great deal at first and is so very hard to accept.  Robin has made a very good life for herself and the most important factor is her relationship and friendship she appears to have with her husband.  Yes, I cry each and every time my son leaves to return to school, but I know he is doing what he needs to do and once I dry my eyes, I move on with my life as well.  Until you experience this you truly cannot fathom the emotion that a mother goes through.  It hurts, yes...very much...but it is what we have worked for years to achieve...the reason we make them upstanding and independant individuals, and we DO have the ability to let go and let them go without disturbing the natural order that is in progress.  Lighten up on Robin...I admire her love for her kids and I for one have been there.....and done that.