Replies to 'Troubled Teens'
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January 20, 2006, 8:11 am PST
 Quote From: carolc8632 hello all. I have a 17 year old daughter. She is a troubled teen and she carries alot of anger toward me for past mistakes. There is a long history,but i will give the short version. I raised her by myself since she was a baby. When she was 12 i started dating. She was out doing preteen activities. I was at home by myself alot. Anyway, when she was 13 i started dating someone, became pregnant and am still with this man, we have 2 children together. She and him did not get along from the start, They were indifferent to eachother, could not communicate, and eventually became physically violent with eachother. This went on for 3 years until she finally decided to live with my mother where she is now. She has been there for 6 months. She's angry, and rightfully so BUT, The way she has been treating me is so unacceptable, and I Dont have any fight in and don't know what to do about it. She verbally abuses me on a daily basis. I have been called the B word, The C word, A,hole, slut, Stupid, retarded, annoying. She only calls for money and rides, if i can't deliver, she says "I don't want to hear your voice if you can't give me money" she makes almost impossible demands on me, When i can't deliver, She gets irrate and tells me to learn how to be a mom. the list goes on. We have tried Counseling, medication, family therapy. nothing is working...........HELP Hi! First I want to let you know, reguardless of you past mistakes, you raised her the best you could. You did not fail her in anyway. I have learned this from counseling due to my past mistakes and raising my daughter on my own and being married again. Your daughters behavior towards you is very unacceptable. You need to set some boundaries on her reguarding her abusive language towards you and do not tolerate it no more and let her know you will talk to her but if she starts in on you with the "negativity" you will hang up. Do not let your daughter control you and make you feel sorry for her due to your past. I learned this as well. She is trying to manipulate you into doing what she wants and only what she wants. What about what you want? She is playing your past against you. Your past in none of her bussiness and she needs to know that. I had to tell my teenager that because she, like your daughter, tries to hold it over my head to get her way. I have also learned that we allow people to treat us the way they do. It is time to take a stand for yourslef to her and let her know she cannot and willnot treat you the way she has anymore. You deserve happiness in your life as well and so do your other children. If you allow her to do this to you and get away with it, trust me, your other kids will do it to you too. Why? Because they see her doing it and getting away with it and they think they can too. I know this because my other kids "were" doing me the same as my first daughter. I had to take control back and let them know, reguardless of what I did in my past life, I am the mother and you are the child and you will obey! I am reading a book that will help you deal with your daughters attitude. It is called "Emotional Blackmail" by Susan Forward. I would get this book if you can and read it and apply those tools. It works! You, like me, are a good person and we deserve our happiness too reguardless of what we did in our past. We did the best we could with our childrens upbringing. (my counselor told me this and I am telling you). Do not cave in to her demands. Only she can make herself happy and accept the way things are. You cant do it for her. The book I mentioned above called "Emotional Blackmail" is about when the people in your life use fear, obligation, and guilt to manipulate you. This book is helping me. I think it may help you as well. Be strong mom! One day your daughter will grow out of this. That day will come, when you no longer tolerate her behavior and let her know it. I wish you the best and let me know if this helps any. Good Luck! |
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