Quote From: isaacemilyhi everyone. I've been reading the post from a while ago you guys are so caring and helpful no wonder mel thinks so highly of this board.
Lift here right now is okay still have nightmares about my son sometimes the quilt is so much i don't know what to do with myself. I even have nightmares that i will loose emily as well. I'm not so bad anymore i guess i could say that being i don't sleep by her crib anymore with my hand on hre chest. I knon now that the feeling of emptyness may be with me for quite sometime but i was hoping the quilt would go away. Some days i just want to stay in bed instead of joining the real world. There is so i have built up in me that i'm not sure i will ever feel like myself again.
anyways i hope everyone is well. kris
How are you now, Kris? I can only imagine how much you cherish Emily after losing her brother! One thing that you said brought a memory crashing back to me. I also used to sleep next to my baby with my hand on her chest. There were times where I felt like such an idiot for doing that. I wondered if I was some kind of an emotional cripple. But, sixteen years later and after talking to countless women, I now know that we all go through some form of intense anxiety, worry, fear and profound emptiness. I also could not believe how completely empty and depleted I felt. Guilt was a big factor, too.
What I can tell you is that recovery happens. Somehow, you just go on and live. But I would wholeheartedly encourage any one in our positions to go and talk to a qualified therapist if you feel like your grief is somehow "over the top." If you feel like it's just too much, and if your cyber support system isn't helping "enough" then don't feel bad about needing more help. If nothing else, it will give you someone else to talk to, someone who can be constructive and non-judgmental.
I think all of the women who have suffered the loss of their child(ren) share a powerful bond. How else can I explain the instant empathy and tremendous desire to send you all of the love that I can possibly send?
Kris, I think that what you are feeling is normal. Your deep sorrow, wondering if you will ever feel like yourself again, is part of this rotten process. Just do the best you can and nurture yourself.
