I have been married to my aspie husband for 15 years. In the beginning he shared with me that he had a chemical imbalance and felt he was wrongly diagnosed as bi-polar. We have had many meltdowns in our marriage. I have struggled with how he can be so absolutely loveable at one moment and a completely different person the next. I saw he was obviously an intelligent man, an engineer (of course), highly respected at work and loved by our friends. But when it came to the two of us trying to have an adult conversation it was like I didn't know who he was. I am a very sociable person with many interests. Big crowds give me energy. They make him crazy. If we are just with a couple that we are friends with he is o.k.- put him in a big crowd and pretty soon I am looking for him because he is outside somewhere - alone. I struggled so much with that for a long time. We have counseled for a lot of our marriage. The past year we have finally found the counselor that has worked well for us and she brought us to the diagnosis of Asperger's. I could have cried when I watched my husband read the book about Asperger's by Tony Attwood. He never-ever reads, but with that he felt as though he was reading his life story.
I have read some of the Asperger relationship books and they are hard to read to me. It was difficult to realize that the common ground I hoped our counselor would bring us to would not be found, or not be found in the way I thought anyway. I have begun to understand more why he is the way he is and the "triggers" that may send him to a meltdown - and I will avoid that at all cost!!
When we married our 5 children (his 2, my 3), ranged in age from 6-16. We somehow survived through ALL the trials that kids put parents through, sometimes with 4-5 of them living under our roof. Now I know why he did not like to go to basketball games, or got upset when the kids friends came over, or have the continuous unscheduled events happen. Things that seemed so normal to me were so strange to him. Now I know why. The crazy thing was now that it's just the two of us it almost seemed harder, but when we both try we have a wonderful relationship and that's what I live for. I have found that my aspie is very dependable, loyal, and loving -especially when there is continuity and peace in his day. I have learned to accept more than expect, and make the daily choice to love him with all his qualities and quirks - just as he does me.
I have looked for someone to talk to also- I hope that we can encourage each other.
