Replies to 'General Advice'

My 13yo son & 10yo daughter were taken into foster care last November after our home burnt down. Now, I have the added pressure of their anger, frustration, stress (he's getting migraines, she's got excema) & derpression. I've been sent to do a parenting course which says you have to talk to your children & express your love daily. Up until recently I only saw them 11 hours a week & with a baby to look after I wasn't able to do that & their foster parents certainly don't - in 8 months they've been in 7 foster homes. I'm lost as to what to do, but I'll check in with bits of info as I get them. Until them show affection, even if it's just a wink, so they think that you care, ask them specific things about their day & try to keep in touch with what they're going through. I've always been really close to my kids & despite their fathers attempts to seperate us we have remained so. However, they're going to do what they want to do whether you approve or not, so my son gets up to things I don't like, but at least I know where he is & who he's with. Luckily he's not getting into trouble or doing anything illegal & the best way to show responsibility is by example & I'm afraid in my current state of mind I'm not setting the best ones. My best advice is to go through Dr Phils advice & read the pHenomenal family book. Goodluck to us all. This is the scariest thing I've ever had to do & this involves other peoples lives.

I am having issues with my 13 year old daughter. Sort of like you're dealing with in regards to your son. 

 

Currently they are in Alaska on a visit to family.  All her and her older sister do is fight, verbally.

 

Like you I've taken stuff away, grounded blah blah.  You know the routine :)

 

I was thiking today that both seem to take things for granted.  They have been allowed 1 hour on the internet a day.  Well, I know they both love the internet so what better weapon for me?

 

I've decided when they get back that they'll have to earn their internet time.  They'll be allowed to check their emails but aside from that they get no internet time UNLESS they don't back talk, don't fight, don't argue, no name calling, do their chores etc. They can earn 10 minutes - not to exceed 60 minutes. Also, I've decided that if they earn time then do something bafoonish I'll deduct time.

 

Perhaps something like that will work with your son?  Maybe with tv or whatever he REALLY enjoys?

many many years ago- with my first child, who was a terrible eater, and didnt sleep much my pediatrician gave me sage advice..... 

  

  

its your job as a parent to provide quality and quantity of food and a nice safe soft warm place for them to sleep-  

its their job to decide WHEN of IF to sleep and how much to eat.    

Our rule was stay in your room (first- and yes at first we even had to lock the door with a latch until we went to bed) and later stay in your bed (yes she had 1/2 the contents of her rooms toys books etc on the bed- and not interrupt others while they are sleeping... 

  

she eventually became bored and started sleeping on her own.