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Replies to 'Spanking: Useful or Cruel?'
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August 12, 2005, 8:43 am PDT
 Quote From: kdabam I wanted to add a level that I experienced as a child and never really thought anything of it until I read tselbs (scooby) post (forgive me as I am doing the spelling of your user name from memory.) She talked about the difference between the effects of spanking and communication(or lack there of). I remember as a child watching my brother get hit (not spanked more like beat) and feeling sad for him(I still cry for him sometimes) and then lying in bed listening to my parents fight as I wondered when will it be my turn. Even though I was never physically "hit"I was emotionally "hit" which in turn hurt just as much and left the same bruises and scars. The only problem was that noone (not even to this day) ever saw them because they were internal and just assumed I was fine because I just sat, played and smiled like all "good" girls should do (by good I mean in behavior and not those 1950's defintions) The fear of it, I think, affected me emotionally as being hit would. And I had noone to talk about it to because my mom wasn't the warm and fuzzy type and just dismissed me because I didn't complain and was able to go about dealing with her own abuse and didn't have to worry (so she thought) about me. I have made peace with my parent's because you have to forgive those around you and your self in order to move on. I could no longer live in that internal hell any longer. It is a work in progress. That's just my thought. Thanks for listening. Precisely my point in so many ways. It doesn't take getting a "spanking" to be considered abusive. I know spanking, the way we used it, was not abusive. And just because you DON'T spank doesn't make you a GREAT parent. That is terrible about watching your brother get beat, but the sad thing is, I can completely relate. I watched my brother get hit with a flyswatter one time so many times to the point that his legs collapsed at his knees. The only reason he didn't fall to the floor was because my Mom had a hold of his arm, but his little legs bent at the knees b/c he couldn't stand anymore. He was only about 7. Now, I have a 7 yo and couldn't imagine doing that to him anymore than I could imagine locking him in a closet, boiling his little fingers, or pulling him around by his hair. I know/knew my children well enough to know that spanking my oldest would be WAY more hurtful to his little spirit than spanking my second who was QUITE the little one to raise. He is doing really well now, but I definitely attribute it to the way he has been raised thus far. He was disciplined VERY strictly, but then on the other hand, I spent QUITE a bit of time just holding him on the rocker b/c it was what he needed at the time. He is very emotional as well, but not quite the same way as my oldest. My third is just a firecracker. He has SUCH a will, but is really loving as well. You can't get three loving little men from being abusive to them. I don't care how you figure it. I knew from the time I was very little that I would learn from the mistakes my parents made. I, too, have forgiven both of them for their decisions. My Mom passed away in May of 200 and my Dad in October of 2001. Forgiveness, to me, is not only a requirement from God, but a soul saver. Take care and you're very welcome for listening. ;)
tselb2 |
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