Quote From: nanaoftnI am at my wit's end with this dilemma, I have tried just about everything to figure how to get my 9 year old grandson to stop lying. I know children will do that from time to time but he is at epidemic proportions. He lies about his conduct in school, he won't do his homework, he has chores at home but says he doesn't feel like doing it. And to make it worst thinks his Mom should do his chores and give him all the freedom to do as he wishes. He does his work in school, he even tudors other students in his class. He is on the principal's list honor roll. He has been recommended by his teacher to be placed in advanced study courses because he finishes his so fast and with great accuracy. We have tried asking him why he lies so much, he just says he doesn't know why. He has been placed in time out from television, had his favorite games taken away, and is not allowed to participate with the other children in field trips if he doesn't earn the priviledge. He has yet to go on a field trip with his class because of the chronic lying. I have watch him do his homework at my house only to find out later he won't turn it in the next day. He will tell his teacher that he forgot and left it at home. He won't bring notes home from his teacher. We find out about his antics either when we pop-up at school to check on him or the teacher will make a call to his mother or myself. I try talking to him before his mother to see if there is something bothering him, he says all is fine. He tries to make things go well by being the first one to say he has had a great day in school and that his conduct has rated him an "E" for that day. Which we soon find out is not true, he will have done something during the course of the day to end it with a "S" or "U" for that day. He has been told very strictly that he has to maintain good grades and conduct in order to enjoy the fun priveledges he wants ie- video games, movies, play dates. Can some light be shed on how to reach him to effect his constant lying. He knows full well he will be found out, yet he lies anyway.
My son was 10 years old when this problem ocurred, he was overwhelmed by moving to a new school. I did a few things like emailing the teachers on a weekly basis and communicating a LOT.
Is school the only thing he lies about? If so he may be just really not looking foward to the fuss of a "U" grade. There maybe something that triggers the bad behavior, bored, stress... Get him to communicate in ways he understands and looks foward to doing. I would explain that everyone has "E" days sometimes and that some days are just "S" and every now and again "U" days just happen. Start giving yourself a daily grade on YOUR behavior and explain why you have got that grade be open and honest. Instead of a punish/reward relationship with his behavior focus on getting him to be honest first by discussing "YOUR behavior grade of the day" then ask about his day and how he think it went, then talk about ways YOU could have made your day an "E" day. Have him do the same with his day. Having these open, honest non-threating talks, he will learn ways to improve and feel that he took part in deciding to be well behaved.
This is what finally worked for us, it did take about 3-4 months to really kick in but now almost 3 years later, we still have conversations like this every few days. He is doing well now and the talks have evolved into many different issues as he has grew that he was very open with me about.
