Quote From: oldhippie19I understand and can appreciate your feelings. What I can not understand is why you stayed in such an unhealthy relationship for so many years???? You said you threatened to leave him 6 months before his passing, and that he began to change, to become nicer to you. So why didn't you threaten to leave him years before? I know that it is difficult to leave a marriage, especially with children, but to allow someone to have that much control over your life is just so sad. I sincerely hope you and your children will seek help with your issues surrounding this abusive relationship.
I too was abused. Therapy literally saved my life! It gave me the tools I needed to stand up for myself and to rid myself of my abuser. I will pray for you and your family and I wish you happiness.
There are many reasons I stayed in this relationship. My main concern was for my children's welfare. Their father could have provided for them much better than I could but I was not about to leave them in his care for any reason because of his impatience and temper with them. I did work part-time when they were older, I babysat, sold Tupperware, worked in a fabric shop, worked at the school they attended, worked in a store - but none of them paid enough for me to pay for daycare. My mother was very much like my husband, a control freak - I guess I figured that was the way most marriages were because I was used to it. Fortunately, I had a father who loved me and showed me that there were kind people in the world. I could never please my mother or my husband - I was never good enough. And I truly thought things would get better. Yes, that was very naive on my part, but I kept hoping. I wasn't married very long when my husband turned into a tyrant and control freak. Because I loved him I more or less accepted his behavior. As my children grew, I was the buffer between them and him - the peacekeeper. I don't really agree that because a child is abused he/she will turn into an abuser IF that child makes an effort to be a better parent when he/she becomes one. Maybe it's because I had a better temperment - my children have told me many times I've been a great mom and they are thankful that I was there for them. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I was abused all the time - we did have good times too. I did have therapy after he passed away to deal with my anger and my therapist thought my husband might have been bi-polar. He was never on an even line - he was either way up or way down and could change in a moment - that kind of person is very difficult to live with.
I am living a fulfilled life now. I own my own business, make all my own decisions right or wrong and love the feeling of freedom. A few months after my husband passed away, my daughter told me she hoped I'd never marry again because she knew how unhappy I was and she didn't want anyone taking my freedom and happiness away . I'm sure not all marriages are like mine was but I have absolutely no desire to go down that road again. There are worse things than not being married!!!! I truly hope Michael and Bridgette work out their differences. If not, they would be better off divorced. I worry about their children. No one should ever talk to their children like Michael does. His behavior towards them is shameful and disgusting. He needs to clean up his act. Bridgette needs to get her own life and so something constructive and meaningful to her. I hope the family gets into therapy together and can resolve these issues.
