I lost a baby girl over 10 years ago. I thought, and everyone around me thought I was losing my mind. I couldn't stop crying for a year. I lost time. She died in July, my next memory was the leaves changing color. Scarey huh!!!! It took a year to just realize she was never coming back, another year to get my life to looking like something normal. The "insanity" stayed just below the surface. And five years before I really started to have a life that FELT normal. And I am okay now, truley I am. I recently lost my mother very suddenly. Experience has taught me that although I feel lousey now, it won't last forever , no matter how painful. My sister is having a harder time, she believes ( as I did when I lost the baby), that she will feel this way forever. In a way , you almost want to. Who wants to stop suffering when you've lost a loved one, especially a child?
Don't be afraid of your feelings. They are normal. You will feel crazy angry, crazy sad. You will avoid thinking about the unthinkable until you are ready. Remember my lost memories, I put them away until I could deal with them. Everything you feel is normal. You are okay, considering you have so recently experienced the worst tragedy of your life. It's much to early to be NORMAL, whatever that is.
I have very little advice,,,,,,,,take good care of yourself,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,seek help whenever you need it, and make sure you get it.
BIG HUGS to you
