Replies to '06/26 Twisted Love'

I wonder what HE would say if she told him she wanted him to share HER with other guys!!!!

I feel I need to put my thoughts out on this subject, as so many people are quick to call Polyamory just another form of cheating. This is the furthest thing from the truth.  Polyamory is best described as a belief system. I believe that it is possible to have ethical, open, nonmonogamous relationships with more than one person.

 I also feel  that most people who have been in a relationship where their partner felt the need to see someone else would agree that it was done in secret. In true polyamorous relationships, there are immense amounts of communication, discussion and caring for all people involved.

 It is often said that there are as many ways to do poly as there are people. I know groups who practice polyfidelity where both the man and the woman have other partners; I am friends with a triad of a man and two women who are raising 2 children. One of my partners has a sister that is in a male/female/female triad. They have been together for 10 years and currently raising 3 1/2 yr old twins. I myself have been poly for as long as I can remember. I have been practicing poly for the last 6 years and am involved with 3 men, one of which I live with and will handfast with this Spring. We attend family dinners every week with other members of our tribe, and will be taking a trip this weekend with one of my lovers and two more of his loves. I can think of no better way to improve the world than to be open to love and affection in all its forms.

 I would never tell someone that monogamy is wrong. Why do people feel that they can tell me MY relationship structure is wrong, just because it doesn't work for them? Poly is NOT for everyone, and neither is monogamy. Poly is also NOT about sex, which is what people tend to get hung up on. Our country has some very warped ideals about sexuality and being sexual. Because of this, everything seems to be brought down to how often you sleep with someone. Polyamorus relationships are so much more, dealing with deep, loving, caring emotions. 

 In reading the description of the show, I can see how this man's wife would feel betrayed and not trust him. If it was me, I would feel the same way. If he truly wants to explore poly and find out whether it is right for him and his wife, he needs to start at the begining, not in the middle with trust and security issues. This is a classic example of how NOT to do poly. Things done in secret are wrong, no matter what the "excuse".

That's the best way I've heard it said yet. Isn't he the WORST??

People can do whatever they want, it's fine with me. 

What is the definition of marraige? 

When I got married, I promised to be faithful. 

Did the definition change? 

In a word....JERK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DUMP HIM NOW!

My spouse tried to pull this on me a few years ago and I gave  him a choice....me and the kids or her.  I personally could not accept him having a relationship with another woman he called "platonic" (yeah, right) and I told him so.  I put it in words he could understand and gave him a scenario where the positions were reversed and I was the one who had a very close male friend and asked him how he would feel--he honestly admitted he would not like it and wouldn't be able to accept it.  So I said, "Well, there you go.  Don't expect me to accept something from you that you know good and damn well you wouldn't accept from me."  He broke it off with her immediately, but three years later I am still suspicious and hurt at times although he hasn't given me any indications that he is still in contact with her.  I don't bring it up because it something I have to deal with; however, when Dr. Phil talked about Tracey waking up one day and saying, "You son-of-a-@#!"  He was so on target!  I also have young children and would hate to raise them alone; however, I would hate even worse to be in a marriage where my husband is cheating on me with another woman and I knew it and was letting it kill me slowly everyday.  Charlie doesn't deserve Tracey and she needs to know that no woman deserves to be treated like that!  She might me sad for a while if he leaves, but the sun always comes up in the morning.

I hope this wife gets the confidence to kick his sorry but to the curb. His arrogance and blatant disregard for his wife and family disgusted me.  Shame on the other woman, she is just as much to blame.

Polyfidelity has many names,  

  

Geographical bachelor (single, depending on location at the time) 

                   and 

Serial monogamy (one after another). 

Pity POOR Charles, he is too sexy for this world.

 I first ex was as arrogant and high and mighty as Charles.  He loved 'go=go dancers' dancing prostitutes, as some called them in Calif. then.  When we moved to Virginia he was arrested with in a week for solicting a prostitute at a local truck stop.  He told me later that he didn't think he was going to make it home before I woke up!  It started almost from day one.  Every time  I would try to leave my Mom or someone that knew I was going to leave would call him at work and tell him and he would come home or find me before I could get away.  He wouldn't stop.  My mother said you have to put up with everything because he is the husband and can do whatever he wants.  He had three illigitamate children that he claimed and one he didn't claim.  He left three times and then come back using the children or someone in his family to weil his way back in.  I would go into another room and cry.  I finished high school before marrying, but since I never worked outside the marrriage, I had a hard time finding a job making enough money to make it on my own with two kids.  I knew by then I would have to be the one to leave.  If I got money he would steal it saying he nedded it mor than I did.  Talking did no good.  His last mistress would come over and get in my face and told me " Away with you and the kids stay here I'll be their Mom" .  I said "Over my dead body!"  You can have him, but I get the kids.  She had four of her own.  The last one was illigimate!  He told me after 17 years that he was taking her and her kids on vacation because me and the kids didn't deserve a vacation.  I got worried as vacation time neared that he would take our kids at night and meet her and they would leave to where I would never find them. I had a part-time job sitting third shift for an elderly lady.  I talked with a lawyer who said to save up money then leave.  I had tried to do that as stated above.  That night after talking to the lawyer I called several people to see if I could stay with them a few days till I got things worked out to go on my own.  A sister-in-law, his brother's wife told me to call DOVES.  An agency for abused women.  She said they will help you.  I knew by the sound of her voice that she knew what she was talking about.  I called.  They sent a cab in the direction I said I would be walking and to tell him I was going to see one of my friends.  My 13 year old daughter said  she wanted to stay with Dad.  She was always a Daddy's girl.  My 8 year old son left with me.  All I had was an empty purse except for a driver's liscense.  The cab took us to a motel in the back and left us.  The motel  woman gave me a key.  Then the DOVES lady came and left me $3.00 for breakfast and said we would talk the next morning.  The next morning as I walked to a nearby convient restruant I didn't know what I was going to do but I knew this woman would help me and I had my son by the hand all I knew for sure was I wasn't going back.  It got rough with him chasing me and such but I made it.  I had to go from sad to mad and finally get the help I needed to leave.  He was as arrogant as this Charles.  I called it Male Chuavinist Pig.  Course this was in 1982 so $3.00 for breakfast in a convience restraunt was a good amount.  He found out he had lung cancer and had about a year to live two weeks before our divorce was final!!!  Him and the other woman, this one wasn't a go-go dancer but hid behind religon, married a week after the divorce.  He lived one year and 5 months then died.  God really took care of that one!  I had to leave first.  After four months of her step-mother not wanting her to stay in Band in school cause of a shortage of money with her Dad out of work for awhile then part time, she came to live with me.  She said I always knew I could count on you.  That made up for 16 months of her living with her Dad.  I gained 10 punds the first month after I left.  I needed it and my self esteem of making it on my own was so great.  I didn't know, at the time, that verbal and sexual abuse was abuse.  My Mother finally came over to my side.  I hope this woman realizes like Dr. Phil told her she had to get to a different level.  She will feel so much better.  He won't quit seeing this other woman and if he does there will be another and another.  It's written all over his face just as it was on my ex's.