Replies to 'Balancing Work and Family'

I need to know, what do you do when the toxic person in your life is your husband.  I know, get rid of him, right.  But it doesn't happen all the time.  My husband and I have a unique relationship.  We are not only married (30 years and counting), but we run a small business together.   A good share of the time, things are great, we work well together, we can make decisions about the business and we just take care of things.  But there are those times when, he won't let me do my job.  I am the bookkeeper, collections, AR, AP, payroll, you name it. 

I don't like it when accounts run to 60 days and we have had no communication, no partial payment, I have sent statements and late notices and still nothing.  So I add service charges to thier account as well and I expect them to be paid.  I don't always get them, but I start out with all the good intent.  I have threatened further collection action and anything I can do.  My husband will sometimes give me a hand with it and go talk to the contractor who is holding our money.  But sometimes he won't, but then he yells at me for doing it.  He tells me I am too pushy.  And, there are some contractors that we have worked for, for a long time (repeat business) and he will not go after them for anything.  Oh, just leave them alone, they will pay.  I get so frustrated.  I am sitting here right now worrying about a long time contractor who is sitting on our money.  In the past they have always paid well and applying service charges and sending late notices has never been an issue.  Well, this time, my husband did a job for them.  When I sent the invoice at the end of the job there were some questions on thier part. They didn't call,  they did not pay at 30 days like usual.  I had to send a late notice.  AT that point they did call and found out that part of the problem they had with our charges, was because of something they did not take care of.  So, they agreed to pay our invoice.  But as of today it is still not paid, and the first of next week the invoice is 60 days past due.  So I sent a statement and applied $100.00 to thier account.  I am so worried that my husband will yell at me because I did that.  I am so affraid everytime the phone rings that I am in deep trouble and I just wait for my husband to come in the office all red in the face.  I can't take any more.  Even though they are the ones that need to pay thier bill.  I am the one in the wrong. 

We also had an employee last summer, who was a big help to us, but on the same hand, he was playing mind games with us.  He was always stealing from us, wheather is was an hour or 2 here and there or if it was actually something he could take home in his lunch box.  Everyweek all summer long he would be at work, but he would take the day off.  He didn't do, not one thing he was ask to do.  My husband would come back at the end of the day and the project he had told our employee to work on was still sitting there.   So, when things started to slow down around Christmas time , he was the first one to go on unemployment.  Then last week, my husband finally decided to let him go for good.  Now, even though that is what we should have done, my husband is worried about him filing a law suit for wrongful termanation against us.  For one, he doesn't have the money to go after us.  But, my husband is still obsessing over it.  He is driving me crazy. 

I don't know how to handle these mood swings.  Somethings like the collections just  have to happen.  Period.  I know that, but I also don't want to fight with him.  Because at the end of the day, I still have to go home with him.  I have thought about packing a bag and just leaving and not going to work one day.  I have thought about going to a big city where no one will ever find me and just live a simple life where no one bothers me.  People have told me, "what good would that do"  I would be out from under this stress.  I have also thought about going to a therapist.  But, my husband needs to go too.  But, he won't.  I keep thinking if i change, then some of that will eventually rub off on him.  But he is also very strong minded and changing his mind is no easy task. 

So, I just don't know what to do.  I love him dearly, but on the other hand, I really hate him too. 

thanks for listening